When It Feels Weird to Manage Your Life Well

When I'm going through periods of high anxiety in my life, the all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking kicks in hard. If I can't cook dinner tonight, it means I'll never cook dinner again. If I'm not in the mood to write, I'll never write again. If my husband is disappointed we couldn't do something, he's disappointed in me and doesn't love me anymore. The list of ludicrousness goes on and on. I'm particularly adept at telling myself I can't have a normal life because I can't cope with it. Therefore, when I do cope with it, as I am now, it feels really weird.

I've been pretty certain that I'd be doomed this year. I was the host for Thanksgiving; my husband's family is visiting for Christmas; I've had lots of dental appointments for readjustments; my sister moved almost all the way across the country, and I've thrown a lot of social events for no other reason than to torment myself. Any one of these things can be torture when I'm very anxious, so I get a little anxious each time something pops up that this will be the one that sets me overboard again. Then, it doesn't happen. What am I supposed to do with that? It's like everything I think I know is wrong!

Well, that's anxiety. Everything you think you know that comes from a place of anxiety is either wrong or really over-exaggerated. That's like the definition. It's disarming because I can get used to not having anxiety attacks that are extra bad. Then, when they happen again, I'm all "I wasn't ready for this! Better be more vigilant (read: more anxious) in the future!" I've come to see this for the parody that it is. The self-fulfilling prophecy of stupidity. I hope my self-awareness can have some affect on my anxiety in the future, but I'm not holding out. Usually, my self-awareness is limited to the negative tendencies I have. That's probably not very helpful.

Luckily, I've learned to adapt. Instead of avoiding things just in case I get anxious, I've loaded up my agenda. I'm going to do all the things until such a time as I do get too anxious to do them again and have to start from the beginning. I get a lot more done that way, and you can too with my tried and true method of actually having a life! (Read that last bit in an enthusiastic Home Shopping Network voice). Anyway, here's to time well spent! I hope you're out there spending yours wisely, no matter what your brain tells you.

Hope you are all well or at least well enough.

Distraction is a Good Thing

Here I am distracting myself with water

Whether you have OCD or not, you've probably heard that distractions are a bad thing. They take your eye off the prize! They keep you from fulfilling your potential! They do all manner of unspecific things to your life, leading you on a spiral of chaos that will only lead to you never facing a challenge head on! Okay, you've heard all that. If you have OCD, you've also heard distraction isn't good for your recovery. I want you to consider that perhaps distraction isn't a bad thing at all.

As a crappy student, I was always distracted. When I was younger, bullies and my efforts to keep my head down, metaphorically, distracted me. When I got older, I was distracted by boys, drugs (very mild, folks; calm down), rock 'n roll and all other manner of mild mayhem. Sure, if I had focused, I would have done better in school. Maybe I would have been happier or more successful now that I'm in my 30s. Nobody knows, so let's not speculate. I do know this, I was going to be distracted to some degree no matter what. Telling people distraction is bad is the same as telling them farting is disgusting. You've just made them feel bad about something they're going to do naturally.

Now for the other side of my distraction story, which is actually distracting me from work. When I fully realized I had OCD, professionals told me that ERP (exposure and response prevention) is the way to go. Most proponents of this method would tell you distraction is bad. Distraction helps you avoid the problems you are having, reinforces the "badness" of your OCD fears, etc. In some ways, they are right. In order to do an exposure, you have to be present, but what about when you are not doing an exposure or your anxiety is more generalized?

Here we get to the part where I tell you it's okay to use things like music, television, video games, family time and exercise to distract yourself from your mental illness. Firstly, your entire life is not an exposure. Sometimes, you need to reset your brain before you can get better. You need to break the loop of worry and reaction by just doing something else. This applies whether you have a mental illness or not. Do you have a cold and feel like shit? You're not going to dwell on it and tell yourself it's okay all day. You're just going to watch a movie and be miserable. The movie helps you forget that you're miserable for a moment. Sick people deserve that break.

I haven't fleshed out this idea as much as I would like to, but some thoughts don't need more than a few paragraphs. You get my meaning. Don't feel bad that you had to play a video game to keep your panic at a manageable level. Don't beat yourself up about needing some down time after a tough exposure. You don't need to live in your illness all the time. By all means, show up for your exposures. Be present. Challenge yourself to face your fears. Just don't forget to unplug when you're done. Really. You're not going to get in trouble or hurt your recovery. I promise.

Let's Talk About Stigma

OCD is one of the Internet's favorite mental disorders. It's talked about a lot, whether by mental health professionals and sufferers or the rest of humanity. Like all mental disorders, there is a certain amount of stigma surrounding obsessive-compulsive disorder. You find it at home, in public and on the Internet. There's no escaping it, so I thought it prudent to chat about the types of stigma I seem to see and hear a lot in my life as it pertains to this disorder.

OCD Memes With Things Out of Order

You couldn't handle an OCD nightmare.

You've seen it–the tile slightly out of line with the surrounding tiles and some misinformed quote about it being your friend with OCD's worst nightmare. Guess what? It's not. Her worst nightmare is that someone she loves or a stranger is mangled or dies and it is somehow her fault (or one of other similar themes). She may or may not cope with that fear by keeping things tidy as a form of "magical thinking" that if she fixes the tile, her family is safe, but she doesn't give a shit about the tile. You see what I'm saying? The only thing that bothers us about those photos is that people might start thinking we'd be okay if only the tiles were in a straight line.

Self-Diagnosing

I connect with a lot of people who have OCD. It really makes me feel less isolated, and I hope my presence does the same for them.  A lot of my connections post about how annoying it is to see the "I am so OCD" posts from people who like things orderly or hate sticky stuff on their hands. OCD and other anxiety disorders are often thought of as abnormal reactions to normal situations. Washing your hands because they've got gross on 'em is a normal reaction to a normal situation. Washing your bleeding, raw and cracked hands because you haven't done it 150 times yet today is an abnormal reaction. When you compare your normal behavior to our abnormal behavior, you minimize the effect OCD has on us. People think of it as a first-world problem instead of a mental disorder.

Ignoring the Thought Part of the Disorder

Some of us who have OCD exhibit unusual behaviors like counting our steps, opening and closing doors a certain number of times, engaging in excessive grooming, etc. That is just a result of the main part of the disorder-disturbing thoughts. No matter what sub type of OCD a person has, he has intrusive thoughts that cause great distress. When people boil OCD down to just behaviors, they ignore that OCD has an even darker side, which lends to the stigma because people think we "just" do this or that.

To be fair, most of the folks who perpetuate the stigma do so without intention. They're just making a joke, and I'm the first to admit OCD can be hilarious. That said, you can joke about it while accurately portraying its challenges. You definitely don't have to claim you have OCD to talk about your quirks, either.

Facts About Anxiety, OCD and "Living in the Moment"

In anxiety treatment and some spiritual philosophies, being able to be "in the moment" is a lofty achievement. It is said, and is often proven, to lead to a greater sense of well-being and ability to handle tremendous feelings. I thought I'd share a few things about this elusive practice of being in the moment with whoever is reading this. Sometimes, I find it helpful and, of course, want everyone living with anxiety to have as much help as possible.

1. The Moment is the Only Thing That is Real

Before you run away thinking I'm about to get pseudo-philosophical on you, think about it for a moment. We rarely remember the past exactly as it was, and it's gone anyway. Sure, it happened, but it's not happening right now. The future is not certain for anyone. You can plan, and should to some degree, but you can't know what will happen, so unless you're creating safety nets, setting realistic goals or planning fun outings, your ruminations about the future might be unhealthy. You could be imagining catastrophe after catastrophe for no reason! Remind yourself, none of that is real and bring yourself back to what is happening RIGHT NOW. You'll fail at that sometimes. It's much easier to do when the moment is enjoyable.

2. Sometimes the Moment Sucks

Well, if the moment is the only thing we can really trust, what do you do if the moment sucks? Well, there are two things that you can do. Firstly, you can accept that the moment sucks. Yep. Shit happens and it's going to happen to you. However, you can also realize that moments are impermanent. If you're an anxious person, you feel intense emotions that you just want to pass. They always do, in spite of our fears. In these moments, it helps to remember that it will stop, even if it takes a while.

3. You Don't Have to Meditate to Be in the Moment

Meditation is a helpful way to learn to let thoughts come and go. It helps you to focus on breathing and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. However, you do not have to do it to be in the moment. You can be in the moment any time, anywhere. You can focus on the sound of leaves crunching under your feet on a hike, relish the wind in your hair as your rake your yard or breathe in the scent of a loved one during a hug. All of these things and many more center you in the here and now. You don't need 100 scented candles, a special butt pillow, an altar to the old gods and the new or a mandala drapery hanging ten feet high in front of you. You just need a moment in which to be.

4. It's Not Possible to Always Be in the Moment

Don't let trying to live in the moment be another reason to bully yourself. Not living in the moment is not failure. In fact, sometimes you have to take yourself out of the moment and imagine possible future scenarios. Sometimes, you'll really want to think about the past so you can see a loved one again. That's fine. It doesn't matter. Just practice being in the moment when you can so you can use that skill when you really need a break from your fear.

 

 5. Physical Stimuli Help Me

Everyone has different tricks. For me, and for many others, physical cues can bring me into the moment. Running my hands under cold water, taking a shower, holding an ice cube, standing in the wind, hugging a loved one, etc. These can bring me back. Sometimes, it is only very fleeting and I get right back into ruminating, but I can always grab another hug or sit outside in the cool wind a little longer.

If you're having trouble with ruminating and accepting feelings or just want to be a little less stressed, look into mindfulness meditation or just mindfulness in general. Like all tools for mental health, it has different levels of success for everyone, but it takes very little energy to learn and try.

If you have any mindfulness tricks you want to share, please feel free to do so in the comments section.

I'm an Anxious Yogi and You Can Be Too!

This pose is easier than it looks.

Yoga. You've probably heard a therapist mention it before. You've definitely heard of mindfulness, meditation and other elements of yoga in the mental health world if you've been part of it for more than a minute. It's one of the many tools you can keep in your toolbox for fighting OCD and mental illness in general. If you're not trying it or practicing it already, I urge you to try. I find it helps, and you might too.

You may already be thinking one of the following things:

• I'm not flexible enough for yoga.
• I'm not the right age for yoga.
• I'm not the right religion for yoga.

Everyone is flexible enough for yoga. Everyone. Yoga is not about achieving acrobatic feats of flexibility. Sitting in a cross-legged position is yoga. Hell, even lying on the floor on your back with your palms facing up is yoga. Which brings me to age. This is not a barrier for yoga. Elderly folks and toddlers do yoga. Finally, yoga can be completely secular. It's up to the yogi whether they want to do things like chant, seek spiritual guidance, etc. Me? I just hit the mat with my tight muscles. I'll leave the chanting and spiritual awakening to more enlightened folk.

So, we've established that most of the barriers people put up with yoga are bullshit. I should also add that you definitely have enough time to practice. There are no rules. You can do yoga for five minutes twice a week. No one cares. This is your practice.

I know you can. You know you can. Let's move on to why you should.

• Mindfulness
• Goals
• Self-satisfaction
• Pain relief
• Party tricks

The above are really just a few of the benefits I've reaped from practicing yoga. We learn mindfulness to keep us in every moment. As mentally ill folk, we need that. Yoga is all about being in the moment, in your body, in your mind, pushing yourself gently, and being forgiving of yourself. Setting goals helps us have something to work for, which leads to being satisfied when we achieve those goals. Stretching helps relieve tension. For me, it relieves pressure on my sciatic nerve. Finally, some yoga poses that are easy look really hard. You'll have some bragging rights when you nail them, but you'll also be fine if you don't.

I'm a very anxious person. There are days when I'm so wobbly I can't even do basic yoga poses. However, there are also days when I can hold up my body weight in balance poses I never would have dreamed possible. On those days, yoga focuses my mind and body. I'm anxious. I have OCD. I'm in my thirties. I have a hundred reasons not to do yoga, but I do it anyway. It's good for me. It can be good for you too.

Intrusive Thoughts: A New Website for People With OCD

As a metaphorically, not clinically, compulsive researcher, I find a lot of resources for various aspects of my life. One of things I need resources for the most is my OCD. Having them on hand helps me know where to look when I need reminding that it's just OCD and I can survive it. I imagine other people with these disorders feel the same way. It's nice to have good information available. Well, a new source launched the other day in the form of a website called Intrusive Thoughts. This simultaneously explains a bit of why I wasn't able to obtain this domain name as a .com or a .org and gives me a new place to turn when I need those aforementioned reminders.

First, I'm going to mention the design of the website, which is fun to use and intuitive. You'll notice it from the first page, where you are greeted with a statistic. Scroll down to read more about intrusive thoughts, clearly from the perspective of someone who also suffers from them. There is a bit of reassurance mixed in with some facts about intrusive thoughts, but these are things you should know, even if your OCD-mind won't believe them when you need to most. At the bottom of the page are some helpful links, a few of which you will also find at the top of each page. Everything is super easy-to-find and use.

Now, let's talk about content. If you click on symptoms, you'll get another page that is fun to interact with. It includes access to information about OCD themes, such as harm and scrupulosity. The information on these pages includes text and video, so you can hear from people who live through it. There's a good enough dose of information there. The resources page explores treatment options, professional opinions, personal stories and more. I would definitely point someone who was struggling with understanding intrusive thoughts and where to go to get help in the direction of this page. The treatment page has some of the same information, but organized in an easy-to-understand format that focuses on the big 3 steps of recovery.

Under the "Project" tab on Intrusive Thoughts, you will find what amounts to an "About Me" page. Here, you will learn about the man behind the project and what inspired him to put together this website. His name is Aaron Harvey, and he suffered with OCD for 20 years before he was diagnosed. There's a GoFundMe link on that page, but is unobtrusive.

All in all, I think the interactivity of the site, and it's interesting design, will help sufferers navigate their way through the important information there easily. I heartily recommend it to anyone struggling with OCD, be it their struggle or that of a loved one.

Where Do OCD Themes Come From?

I'm not sure I believe this yet,
but I'm working on it.

Every person who has OCD has a theme or themes that affect him or her. One of the more obvious and well-known themes is contamination–the fear of being contaminated by someone or something. You have to wonder where these themes come from. If a person had no knowledge of illness, bacteria, etc. would he or she still present with contamination OCD? Would the feeling of being dirty just manifest with different obsessions? It's hard to say. The person may develop a different theme or no disorder at all. I became interested in this question last night when my therapist pointed out that there may very well be a source for my OCD themes.

As a Pure-OCD sufferer, there are a lot of themes to my OCD. I have relationship obsessions, some medical obsessions, violent obsessions and more. Until last night, I just thought it was about whatever I found abhorrent. That isn't exactly incorrect, but my OCD may have been guided, so to speak, by events in my life. For example, I have a fear of becoming addicted to my anti-anxiety medication, so I struggle when I have to take it. There are many addicts in my family, and a close family member died of alcoholism. I don't drink at all anymore. I was never addicted, but when my anxiety started, I stopped even taking sips of beer. In some way, it may have latched onto things I was already afraid of.

I remember watching a show once, I think it was Obsessed, about a woman whose father died in a terrible car accident. She became terrified of driving, obsessed with his death. I mention this because it is no secret that this disorder takes advantage of trauma and tragedy the way it did with this woman. I was just surprised it did that with things you thought you dealt with, things that were well in your past. I'm sure that is not the case with everyone who has intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, it really is just the worst thing you can think of, whether you have experienced it or not. Still, to think there may be something else at work there gives me hope that maybe I can dig down deep and fight OCD on another level.

Fear of Addiction: One of My Many Intrusive Thoughts

That's me, doing my advocate thing.

Today, I progressed in my exposure and response prevention therapy to one of my harder "triggers," and that is thoughts that I will become addicted to my anxiety medication. There are a few things that make this particular exposure tricky. Firstly, I am on medication that is potentially addictive. Secondly, I have days when my anxiety is too great to function without medication. I have this trigger in my life that I currently depend on, but am afraid to become truly dependent on. This is a field day for my obsessive mind.

I'm not going to go into medication details for now. I know I'm not the only one with medicine obsessions, so I don't want people to equate my experience with my particular cocktail as everyone's experience. This stuff is too nuanced for that. What I will say is that I am on a low dose of my particular medication, but I take it everyday right now because I was on a higher dose in the hospital and we want to make my transition to taking it rarely again super smooth. At times, I know I'm doing well with the taper and I am not abusing my medication. Other times, I'm convinced I'm addicted and I don't even know it. It's been enough to cause bad enough panic attacks that I need my meds, which I'm sure you can imagine fans the flames.

I've been questioning my relationship with my medication for years. Even when, as a person with co-morbid and relatively severe panic disorder and OCD, I was taking a low dose maybe once a month, I would sometimes convince myself I was addicted. Suddenly, my panic symptoms must be symptoms of withdrawal, my need to make the panic stop really just a need for medication. Never mind that my panic exists with or without the medication. It's just where my mind goes. Now, I'm trying to face that fear and live with that doubt. It's not pleasant.

This is probably my most uncomfortable exposure yet. I think that is a good thing. It might finally be working.

Taking Other People Down With You

One thing no one ever tells you when you are diagnosed with a mental illness is that you will be compelled to take the people that you love down with you. Now, don't get me wrong. You're not sitting in the dark maniacally plotting to gaslight them into going a little crazy with you. No, I mean that certain mental illnesses, such as anxiety disorders, make you feel unsafe and so you sometimes want the people around you to act accordingly.

I was sitting in group one day with one of my favorite group members–a cynical and suffering woman like myself. I was venting about how I wanted my husband to go out more because I felt guilty that I couldn't do a lot of the things he wants to do. She goes, "Oh, you take people hostage too?" I had to laugh. She was absolutely right. I hold my husband hostage. It's one of those weird unbalanced scenarios where he doesn't mind being captured by a mentally unstable woman (Stockholm Syndrome?), but I hold him hostage, nonetheless.

Another thing I notice is that my concern for the well-being of the people I love is in overdrive thanks to OCD. Therefore, I get a little anxious when I see my dad eat unhealthy or mom smoke. My husband coughs and I imagine him dying of tuberculosis. Most of the time, I can keep this crap to myself. There is no reason for my fears to dictate other people's lives. But sometimes, that nagging anxiety creeps in and I find myself trying to micromanage other people's health. I give my mother long lectures on what she should and shouldn't do. I tell her how much I worry about them (my parents). What I'm really doing is sucking other people into my vortex of worry. She may not have been worried about the problems I pointed out before, but she sure will be when I'm through getting it off my chest.

I don't know how to change how I treat the people I care about other than to keep treating myself. Maybe if I get my obsessions and compulsions under control, I won't feel like I need someone with me 24/7. I won't freak out at the thought of my father having high cholesterol. My husband will be able to leave me alone for more than a few hours.

I wonder if other people have a similar experience.

Balancing Real Life Problems and Problems OCD Made Up

I'm a few weeks into my exposure and response prevention treatment, and we're still working on things like writing scripts, nailing down my obsessions and figuring out what exactly my compulsions are. During this process, I've realized something–figuring out what is OCD and what is a valid concern is sometimes difficult. I've also realized, in terms of my anxiety and behavior, it may not matter.

Warning: Too much information ahead.

I'm going to use the example of a health problem I have been having to elucidate my point here. I have a chronic urinary problem that we haven't quite figured out yet. I get frequent infections and symptoms of infection even when one isn't present. I also get blood in my urine, so my doctors run regular tests to make sure something scary isn't cropping up. The chronic pain, which waxes and wanes, and the real concern that something is the matter are problems that are not just "in my head." My OCD hasn't made up a scenario for me to fret about. It's real, but what is really interesting is that the distinction doesn't matter. My mind behaves the same way for real threats as it does for obsessive and intrusive thoughts. So, what does this mean?

When I get sick or am in pain, I obsess. I worry I will have the problem forever, my doctors aren't treating it correctly, they'll never figure out what it is, the medical bills will crush me, or that I'll need some medical attention that my anxiety will stop me from getting. In short, whether my OCD started it or not, it's there, wreaking havoc on my thinking process. I think the healthy thing to do would be to treat the thoughts, rumination and fear that comes from these "exterior" (real life) scenarios in the same way that I treat those that come from purely "internal" scenarios (sh*t OCD makes up in my head). They both provoke anxiety. They both get treated with rumination, reassurance seeking and the like from me, so why treat them differently? Sure, I'm in physical pain, but the mental anguish can be dealt with.

I think the moral of the story for me is that when I am faced with real life problems, taking care of OCD's reaction to those problems will let me handle them in more realistic and productive ways. I don't have to think "well, this is actually happening, so of course I'm going to panic." OCD treatment is not just about conquering irrational fears and worries. It is about taking better control of the ones that are rational and recognizing the irrational thoughts that tend to sneak in the back door when we are in pain, sick or in danger.

If you have any thoughts on this topic, please share. I would love to hear how people manage their OCD symptoms when they are faced with challenges.

How I Can Tell If I'm Having a Good Day With My OCD

Some days are better than others. In fact, you can have a totally rad day in the middle of a string of "I'm not sure I'm going to make it out alive" days. However, with OCD, our mind tends to play tricks on us. Just the thought "I'm having a good day" can have me quickly thinking "Oh, sh*t. My anxiety is going to crop up and ruin it." The following are surefire signs that I'm having a good day, whether OCD likes it or not.

• I have eaten a healthy number of calories and none of them came from a bottle of Ensure that went down like a brick. 
• I got out of bed without spending 1-3 hours laying there obsessing over whether I should keep trying to fall back asleep or get up and shakily, nauseously face the world.
• I did at least one task that I didn't want to do and didn't panic about it. 
• I thought something was going to make me terribly anxious and then it didn't.
• I didn't need a sedative before noon. 
• I cooked dinner for my husband. Sometimes, I even eat it with him too. 
• I was able to work a relatively normal workday. 
• I went for a walk and didn't wonder if I would panic in the middle of the woods and need a rescue team to save me from a bed of leaves and despair. 
• I ate something before noon. 

Hey, don't take this stuff for granted. When you're anxious, you never know what the day will bring. Hell, no one knows what the day will bring, but that is a bit more a problem for people with anxiety issues.

OCD Homework: Changing Automatic Thoughts

I started on some of the homework my therapist gave me in the past few days. The reading dealt a lot with automatic thoughts, automatic assumptions and incorrect ways of thinking. Some of you might be familiar with some terms like catastrophic, all-or-nothing and magical thinking. I was well before my therapist gave me this homework, but the idea of changing automatic thoughts, which are not my intrusive thoughts, had never occurred to me.

An automatic thought is something you tend to think without thinking about it, as intellectually garbled as that may sound. This might be something like "My OCD is never going to get better." or "There I go doing something stupid again." My homework asks me to replace some of my personal automatic thoughts with new ones. For example, if I thought that my OCD is never going to get better, I would practice thinking something like "I'm doing my best to get better." or "People with OCD get better everyday. I can too."

In order to facilitate this change of automatic thoughts, I was asked to write a few down and look to them several times a day to remind myself. Other than losing the piece of paper I wrote them on multiple times, it seems to be going all right. I have had some opportunities to catch myself in what I hope will soon be my old way of thinking. I'll let you know how it goes.

Common Types of Intrusive Thoughts

Hand washing can get out of control
because of contamination thoughts.
Photo by Serenity

Intrusive thoughts associated with OCD and other anxiety disorders tend to have one thing in common–they are distressing. They pop into your head and disgust, shame or scare you. People without a disorder can typically brush similar thoughts off as nothing and move on with their lives. People with OCD give these thoughts deeper meaning and are often tormented by them. Why are they so distressing? Well, they aren't exactly fluffy bunnies hopping across your consciousness. Here are some common types of intrusive thoughts associated with OCD.

Contamination

I'm going to kick things off with contamination because it's one of the more well known presentations of OCD. I don't suffer from it, thankfully, but many people do. Essentially, these people have thoughts that things they touch, people around them or they themselves are contaminated with germs. In response, they may avoid touching things and clean a lot.

Sexuality

It is generally thought that most people have passing thoughts that go against their sexuality. For example, a gay woman may think about sex with a man. In most cases, people can brush off thoughts that might otherwise make them question their sexuality, but some people with OCD cannot do that easily. They may "check" to see if they are really gay or straight or obsess over the idea that they are "wrong."

Harm/Violence

A very common theme in OCD is harm or violence. Some people may think they have to do things a certain way or it will cause someone harm. Other people will have images of hurting others or themselves pass through their minds. This can lead to behaviors like avoiding knives, driving, vulnerable people and social settings.

Inappropriate Sexual Thoughts

Without going into too much detail, let's just say that these thoughts are really distressing to OCD sufferers who have them. Anything taboo or morally wrong is potential intrusive thought fodder. Don't worry. Having these thoughts doesn't mean you're a sexual deviant. Sure, acting on them does, but chances are you wouldn't be freaking out about your thoughts if you found them appealing. (Don't take that as a cue to check and see if you think they are appealing. You wouldn't be here reading this if you did.)

Relationships

Some people with OCD are tormented by the idea that they are wrong about their relationships in some way. Do they love their spouse? Are they actually attracted to their spouse? Does their spouse love them? Does that fleeting thought about the cute guy at work mean you don't love your boyfriend? This is part and parcel of the feeling that things need to be "correct." I even have thoughts about whether my OCD is really OCD because it doesn't seem exactly right. My therapist once accused me of doubting because my OCD wasn't "perfect." People with relationship intrusive thoughts doubt because relationships are inherently imperfect. They need to learn to live with the gray areas.

There are many more forms that these thoughts can take, so don't be worried that you might not have perfect OCD because you didn't see your thoughts listed here. Talk to a professional. This is strictly for casual reading purposes only and to spread awareness of OCD and other anxiety disorders. If you want to talk about any other types of intrusive thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.