tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64514422379372003022024-03-05T15:53:41.780-08:00Living With Intrusive ThoughtsA collection of anecdotes, information and resources about intrusive thoughts, OCD and mental health in general. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-87426019398579942342020-05-20T15:46:00.000-07:002020-05-20T18:39:21.313-07:00Some Thoughts on Suicide and Suicide Prevention While the World is in Isolation<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt=""No Escape".jpg" class="mw-mmv-final-image jpg mw-mmv-dialog-is-open" crossorigin="anonymous" height="320" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/%22No_Escape%22.jpg/1024px-%22No_Escape%22.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="256" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"No Escape" by Judith Carlin</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's been a long while since I've posted. It's a great time to dust off this blog and apologize to my readers for my absence. Me culpa.<br /><br />
I'm writing this in May of 2020, a time of unprecedented social isolation. People the world over are staying home, missing work and doing their very best to stop the spread of Covid-19, a deadly virus that is causing a global pandemic. The vast majority of us are safe from disastrous infections, but we're not wrong to be scared. We're not wrong to isolate and distance ourselves from others to protect loved ones and ourselves. However, it's doing a number on our mental health. <br /><br />
The extent of psychological symptoms caused by widespread isolation due to the current pandemic is unclear. We'll probably never know how many people have suffered and how. Nonetheless, I know personally that it's difficult at best to isolate when you have existing mental health conditions, so I know it's the same for many of you. My hope is that you're all coping well, using helpful skills and socializing from a distance to keep in practice. I know that even at the best of times, though, some of us are not coping well. Some of us, especially when we're isolated, think about committing or even plan to commit suicide. Please don't.<br /><br />
I know this is a cliché. I'm going to say it anyway: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This is 100% true. Every. Single. Time. Unless you die some other way before you see your way out of the darkness, the state you are in will not last the rest of your life. So, don't burn down the whole forest to get rid of the poison ivy.<br /><br />
I'm here to tell you my cure for suicidal ideation, at least the thing that's worked best for me. It's not necessarily a permanent solution, and it is definitely bitter medicine, but it works. The way to see an end to your suffering without an end to your life is to wait. Just wait. Time is my cure. <br /><br />
Now, before you cuss me out, let me explain myself. I know how hard it is to endure the pain that brings you to want to kill yourself. I'm intimately familiar with that pain. I don't know any way to immediately ease that suffering. I'm sorry for that, but I do know it will stop if you wait long enough. Now, you may have to wait with a pal who watches over you or get a lot of help learning to live with your emotions while you wait, but the point is that you will endure. You only have to exist for now. You don't have to live your best life or any of that bullshit. You just have to be here now.<br /><br />
When we contemplate suicide, we often make the mistake of thinking we have a dire choice. We can either live like this for however long our painful life lasts or we can end it all now. That's not correct at all. The choice is between nothing and a life with some pain in it. Everyone's life has pain in it. It has other stuff too, like humor, love, kindness, thrills, entertainment, nature, animals, and so much more, I could never list it all. For me, missing all of that isn't worth giving in to the pain. I know sometimes it feels like none of the good things are in store for you, but they are. It also seems like you can never enjoy anything again, but you can. All you have to do is wait. I sincerely and wholeheartedly promise. <br /><br />
If you are suffering with suicidal thoughts or plan to commit suicide, stop. Go to Google. Type in any phrase with the term suicide. Google will kick back a help line for your area. Use it. Tell your family. Tell your friends. Tell your co-workers. I know you're afraid of being judged, but being judged is better than not having a chance. There will be people who don't understand. If they can't be taught to understand, fuck them. They're the problem, not you and your mental health. You can get better. They'll still be shitty. Reach out until someone reaches back and grabs your hand. Hold on tight and just live your life one breath at a time until the breathing gets easier. There's a world full of people, the vast majority of whom have had mental issues at some point in their lives. We're all just trying the best we can. That's all you have to do. <br /><br />
Best wishes and a big socially distant hug from me.<br />
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{page:WordSection1;}</style>Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-50882928160517162602018-07-14T20:34:00.000-07:002018-07-14T20:34:15.107-07:00Anxiety Isn't The Boss<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Girl_suffering_from_anxiety.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="250" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Girl_suffering_from_anxiety.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fear doesn't mean you have to stay still.</td></tr>
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Sometimes, I'm sitting around watching television, hanging with family, doing chores, whatever, and I have something like a profound thought about my OCD and anxiety. Fine, it may not be profound, but it feels important to me. I had one such thought just now after using the bathroom, because I'm glamorous like that. The thought was this: My anxiety behaves so much better when I'm the boss. It's like a lap dog. If I don't give it proper discipline, it decides it makes the rules. When I don't let anxiety make decisions for me, it lessens naturally. Doing whatever the hell I want in spite of the horrible physical symptoms and emotions that crop up makes panic so much less intense.<br />
<br />
(Disclaimer: I know I've said the same thing in different ways many times, but if you have OCD, you know sometimes you have to find new ways to think of the same ideas.) <br />
<br />
What do I mean by doing whatever the hell I want in spite of my anxiety? I mean a few things. Firstly, if I'm working and I panic, I try hard not to stop to try to soothe myself. Soothing myself tells my brain something is actually wrong. Instead, I just keep working (sometimes). Another example is perhaps me excitedly planning to go to some event and then later dreading it because of anxiety. I know I actually want to go, so I do my best to do it anyway. I don't want to prove my anxiety right on any account. It rarely ever is, and it is never right about the severity of a damn thing. She's a drama queen, for real.<br />
<br />
I know that self care is a much-touted aspect of mental health, but that doesn't mean self-care has to be a week off of work to collect yourself, thought it can mean that. For some people, like myself, stopping to savor the panic only makes it worse. If I "just keep swimming," as a wise fish once said, I tend to make out better. That's not to say I don't sometimes spend the day trying to distract myself from anxiety, but rather to say that the answer may lie in taking note of what you really want out of life when you're feeling well, so you can do it anyway when you're not.<br />
<br />
<br />
Listen, if there's one thing, no matter how small, that you really want to do, but your anxiety is telling you is impossible–ignore your anxiety. Even if it makes you feel like you could shake out of your shoes and the world is falling in around you. Just do me a favor and achieve one thing that matters to you. Feel free to tell me how much of an ass I am in the comments if it doesn't go according to plan, but don't you dare forget to tell yourself that you're a badass for trying. <br /><br />Be well, readers. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-27491766817664461642017-11-29T11:59:00.002-08:002017-11-29T11:59:57.748-08:00When It Feels Weird to Manage Your Life WellWhen I'm going through periods of high anxiety in my life, the all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking kicks in hard. If I can't cook dinner tonight, it means I'll never cook dinner again. If I'm not in the mood to write, I'll never write again. If my husband is disappointed we couldn't do something, he's disappointed in me and doesn't love me anymore. The list of ludicrousness goes on and on. I'm particularly adept at telling myself I can't have a normal life because I can't cope with it. Therefore, when I do cope with it, as I am now, it feels really weird.<br />
<br />
I've been pretty certain that I'd be doomed this year. I was the host for Thanksgiving; my husband's family is visiting for Christmas; I've had lots of dental appointments for readjustments; my sister moved almost all the way across the country, and I've thrown a lot of social events for no other reason than to torment myself. Any one of these things can be torture when I'm <i>very</i> anxious, so I get a <i>little</i> anxious each time something pops up that this will be the one that sets me overboard again. Then, it doesn't happen. What am I supposed to do with that? It's like everything I think I know is wrong!<br />
<br />
Well, that's anxiety. Everything you think you know that comes from a place of anxiety is either wrong or really over-exaggerated. That's like the definition. It's disarming because I can get used to not having anxiety attacks that are extra bad. Then, when they happen again, I'm all "I wasn't ready for this! Better be more vigilant (read: more anxious) in the future!" I've come to see this for the parody that it is. The self-fulfilling prophecy of stupidity. I hope my self-awareness can have some affect on my anxiety in the future, but I'm not holding out. Usually, my self-awareness is limited to the negative tendencies I have. That's probably not very helpful.<br />
<br />
Luckily, I've learned to adapt. Instead of avoiding things just in case I get anxious, I've loaded up my agenda. I'm going to do all the things until such a time as I do get too anxious to do them again and have to start from the beginning. <b>I get a lot more done that way, and you can too with my tried and true method of actually having a life!</b> (Read that last bit in an enthusiastic Home Shopping Network voice). Anyway, here's to time well spent! I hope you're out there spending yours wisely, no matter what your brain tells you. <br /><br />Hope you are all well or at least well enough. <br />
<br />Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-39170815950499827972017-07-31T11:39:00.000-07:002017-07-31T11:39:41.125-07:005 Historic Figures Who Prove You Can Be Anxious and Still Do Important Things<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/44/Abraham_Lincoln_head_on_shoulders_photo_portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="609" height="320" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/44/Abraham_Lincoln_head_on_shoulders_photo_portrait.jpg" width="243" /></a></div>
Today, we're going to try to make ourselves feel better by learning about some of the illustrious people in history who've had anxiety disorders. Do you ever feel like you're unimportant? They probably did too and look at them now. They're starring in their very own obscure blog post. This could be you in 50 years, so chin up! If my satire isn't obvious enough, here's a sentence constructed solely to ensure you that I'm not minimizing your suffering. I'm just really bad at being funny. Okay? Let's go.<br /><br />
<h3>
Abraham Lincoln</h3>
<br />Abe Lincoln was a tremendous president and a nervous guy. He had a lot on his plate, like keeping an entire country together, and that would stress anybody out. However, his well-documented sadness and worry was more than just the stress of the job. He was more than likely clinically depressed and had an anxiety disorder. Even with these difficulties, he accomplished things that changed the course of American history.<br /><br />President Lincoln's depression is much better documented than any anxiety he may have had. He was known to have "melancholy," and friends feared he would commit suicide on multiple occasions. He may have even anonymously published a poem about suicide called "The Suicide's Soliloquy." It's an extraordinarily morbid poem. It's also very beautifully written.<br /><br />
<h3>
John Steinbeck</h3>
<br />John Steinbeck is one of the greatest American authors in history. He penned novels set during the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl that forced landowning farmers to become impoverished migrant workers. His characters were simple, his settings rural and his stories unforgettable. The author of "The Grapes of Wrath" and "Of Mice and Men" wasn't a very happy man, in spite of his undeniable talent. He suffered from anxiety and depression.<br /><br />According to the "Critical Companion to John Steinbeck," Steinbeck consulted a psychologist named Gertrudis Brenner for treatment of his depression. He survived his mental maladies and later died of heart disease, likely linked to a lifetime of smoking.<br /><br />
<h3>
Charles Schulz</h3>
<br />Do you know Charlie Brown and Snoopy? Then you've seen the cartoon work of Charles Schulz. This guy was the darling of comic strips for decades. To this day, we love his characters and the funny situations he put them in. From down-in-the-dumps Charlie to the bossy bully Lucy, he captured the good, the bad and the ugly sides of human nature through the lens of children.<br /><br />Charles Schulz suffered from anxiety, as documented in several interviews during his lifetime. HIs wife once said that he dealt with his anxiety through acceptance. He tried to embrace his anxiety without bitterness, and this helped him cope with the tremendous stress of this illness. Radical acceptance is a tool even professionals use to help those with anxiety, so this guy was on the right track.<br /><br />
<h3>
Emily Dickinson</h3>
<br />Emily Dickinson, posthumous published poet and prolific pen pal, this 19th century figure hardly had access to a mental health clinic. However, her behavior during her life paints a clear picture of what she suffered mentally. She had a string of severe chest colds and later a bout of inflammation in her eye that kept her somewhat sickly for a time. Whether this contributed to her slow retreat from society is unknown, but we do know that she eventually confined herself to her house.<br /><br />Dickinson would sometimes rush off when the doorbell rang. She spoke to visitors from behind doors at times. Her doctor, who would visit the home, even complained he couldn't examine her because she would stand outside the room. She kept up a healthy correspondence with her friends, but did not see them socially. It's easy to see that she was agoraphobic. Yes, her reclusiveness increased her artistic output (she wrote more than 1,000 poems). That doesn't mean that was her purpose in staying housebound.<br /><br />
<h3>
Charles Darwin</h3>
<br />Charles Darwin was the man who put the idea of natural selection on the map. Anyone with even a passing interest in biology or the theory of evolution knows who he is. Some of you may even know of his adventures aboard the H.M.S Beagle traveling the seas and documenting wildlife in places as far-flung as the Galapagos Islands. This voyage of five years, begun when he was in his early twenties, was to be his life's only grand adventure. He later become sickly, agitated and conflicted.<br /><br />The cause of Charles Darwin's illness is a matter of debate. No one is really sure why this brilliant scientist got sick with problems like vomiting, heart palpitations and trembling, but we do know it was exacerbated when he took on too much work, which he did often. Leading theories include anxiety. He certainly worried obsessively about things like work and family. He frequently wrote about being nervous when he wasn't with his wife, which can easily be attributed to anxiety.<br /><br />I'm going to stop here for two reasons. One, I don't want to bore you with a too-long list. Two, this list is seriously lacking diversity. I can't find any references of individuals of color or LGBT individuals (though Dickinson may have been gay) in history who had anxiety disorders. If you know of any, please comment below. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-30325709036363884802017-06-26T08:18:00.003-07:002017-06-26T08:18:56.698-07:00You're Coping Well . . . Now What?<style>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think playing on swings is the way to be.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Mental illness, whatever your diagnosis may be, comes with
its ups and downs. No one is at their lowest all the time. No one is coping
well all the time, though some of us excel at coping most of the time. The
yo-yo of symptom severity can make it tough to enjoy the down time when it
comes. When you are coping well, and life isn't controlled by symptoms, you can
sometimes forget what to do with yourself. You may also feel like the shadow of
your illness is waiting to jump out at you any time. Therapists give us all
these tools for dealing with being sick, but what do we do when we're not
feeling sick?</div>
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<br /></div>
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It is important to be somewhat diligent about how you treat
yourself mentally and physically no matter where you're at with your symptoms.
Feeling great? You can either hasten a decline in your mental health or you can
bolster your well-being. At the risk of sounding like your mother or your
doctor, here are a few things you shouldn't do: Drink alcohol to any sort of
access, do drugs, engage in self-destructive behavior, etc. Here are a few
shoulds to balance it out: Eat relatively well (I say relatively because you
have to splurge); exercise as much as you can, practice your coping mechanisms,
etc. </div>
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Now that we've got the "nurture yourself to stay better
longer" part out of the way, I want to get to the short and simple answer
to our question. What should you do when you're coping well, even if you're
afraid of your symptoms coming back at any moment? LIVE. Check off some shit on
the bucket list. Build strong and healthy relationships by bonding with loved
ones. Go to a movie theater. Visit friends. Travel. Hey, coping well might mean
you still have limitations. For instance, I still have anxiety all the time, so I still don't travel far when I'm coping "well," but let's push
the boundaries while we're up for it. Let's dare to have fun. Give yourself
memories to help you get through the hard times. Love every second of it. </div>
Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-49262943325939979622017-03-15T11:44:00.001-07:002017-03-15T11:44:15.980-07:00Distraction is a Good Thing<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXFlfpaM2jYR4ajXz_K5QTRRD5NfPX6U6TtENv7x37dUErH7usz8LydjXvMXIxR67jSJySBIFimuBQfP7Xv7H07SBxFsAkI4xTBuq966uf8bXJQAY0hiPUr6E6IFnUc7HhKY-i_XT-iiI/s1600/20120707_184058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXFlfpaM2jYR4ajXz_K5QTRRD5NfPX6U6TtENv7x37dUErH7usz8LydjXvMXIxR67jSJySBIFimuBQfP7Xv7H07SBxFsAkI4xTBuq966uf8bXJQAY0hiPUr6E6IFnUc7HhKY-i_XT-iiI/s320/20120707_184058.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here I am distracting myself with water</td></tr>
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Whether you have OCD or not, you've probably heard that distractions are
a bad thing. They take your eye off the prize! They keep you from
fulfilling your potential! They do all manner of unspecific things to
your life, leading you on a spiral of chaos that will only lead to you
never facing a challenge head on! Okay, you've heard all that. If you
have OCD, you've also heard distraction isn't good for your recovery. I
want you to consider that perhaps distraction isn't a bad thing at all.<br /><br />As
a crappy student, I was always distracted. When I was younger, bullies
and my efforts to keep my head down, metaphorically, distracted me. When
I got older, I was distracted by boys, drugs (very mild, folks; calm
down), rock 'n roll and all other manner of mild mayhem. Sure, if I had
focused, I would have done better in school. Maybe I would have been
happier or more successful now that I'm in my 30s. Nobody knows, so
let's not speculate. I do know this, I was going to be distracted to
some degree no matter what. Telling people distraction is bad is the
same as telling them farting is disgusting. You've just made them feel
bad about something they're going to do naturally.<br /><br />Now for the
other side of my distraction story, which is actually distracting me
from work. When I fully realized I had OCD, professionals told me that
ERP (exposure and response prevention) is the way to go. Most proponents
of this method would tell you distraction is bad. Distraction helps you
avoid the problems you are having, reinforces the "badness" of your OCD
fears, etc. In some ways, they are right. In order to do an exposure,
you have to be present, but what about when you are not doing an
exposure or your anxiety is more generalized?<br /><br />Here we get to the
part where I tell you it's okay to use things like music, television,
video games, family time and exercise to distract yourself from your
mental illness. Firstly, your entire life is not an exposure. Sometimes,
you need to reset your brain before you can get better. You need to
break the loop of worry and reaction by just doing something else. This
applies whether you have a mental illness or not. Do you have a cold and
feel like shit? You're not going to dwell on it and tell yourself it's
okay all day. You're just going to watch a movie and be miserable. The
movie helps you forget that you're miserable for a moment. Sick people
deserve that break.<br /><br />I haven't fleshed out this idea as much as I
would like to, but some thoughts don't need more than a few paragraphs.
You get my meaning. Don't feel bad that you had to play a video game to
keep your panic at a manageable level. Don't beat yourself up about
needing some down time after a tough exposure. You don't need to live in
your illness all the time. By all means, show up for your exposures. Be
present. Challenge yourself to face your fears. Just don't forget to
unplug when you're done. Really. You're not going to get in trouble or
hurt your recovery. I promise.Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-30985475784881638612017-01-23T08:19:00.000-08:002017-01-23T08:19:36.364-08:00Getting Through It or "Is that a Chucky Doll in my aunt's coffin?"December was a great and terrible month. I allowed myself to thoroughly enjoy the holidays, which gave me quite the happy hormone rush to get me through the end of the year. However, it was also a time of stress and sorrow for my family. My great aunt on my father's side was on her way out and not for coffee. My mother's sister was determined to be resurrected repeatedly through a series of pneumonia and cardiac hospitalizations. I'm not sure how many times she died in December, but I'm pretty sure she's a cat. She's recovering now, but my great aunt is not a cat. She only got one life and she lost it a few weeks ago.<br />
<br />
People who aren't all that well upstairs (read: a little crazy) handle grief in many ways. We may have breakdowns. We might retreat into depression. Some of us are even pretty stalwart in the face of death. I mean, we see this kind of shit in our heads every day. Myself, I laugh at funerals and check to make sure I'm displaying the right emotions. It's not that I don't care. It's just that I have an extraordinarily emotive mother and a stereo-typically emotionally tough dad. I'm never sure whether I'm supposed to shrug and say "She was old." or exclaim in a grave whisper "She cried out for me in the end!" Whether she did or not is irrelevant.<br />
<br />
I was doing pretty well anxiety-wise when my great aunt passed away. I was able to say goodbye to her in her home. I cried a little, but mostly felt awkward about how I was supposed to behave. The only time I felt comfortable was when my mother left the room and I was alone with her. I was able to just say what I wanted to say to her without looking at the pained face of my great uncle or hearing odd reassurances from my mother that she would "take care" of everybody. I'm not sure what she meant or if I was supposed to also lie about taking care of everybody. (Love you, Mom. Don't worry. I'll take care of you.)<br />
<br />
After considerable stress about what you're supposed to wear to a funeral now that you're a grown-up, I managed to make it. I parked my car, walked to the funeral home and spotted my mother, whose first act was to stage-whisper "I just wanted to give you a head's up. It's an open casket!" Great. Now everyone around me thinks that I have some fear of dead people that my mommy is protecting me from. I still have no idea why she announced it to me upon arrival. I hope she was trying to be helpful, even if it was unnecessary, and wasn't just bizarrely thrilled about the dead body.<br />
<br />
The fact that I had been to this particular funeral home before was both sad and comforting. As an anxious person, it helped that I knew my way around. As a family member, I was sad to see the same faces grieving the loss of yet another important woman in their lives. Still, I was strangely completely unanxious. I was fine, apart from being bombarded with thoughts like, "Thanksgiving is going to be so weird without her." evening though she'd only celebrated a handful with us.<br />
<br />
When I entered the room, I saw the open casket my mother referred to. It was beautiful. All white and ready to be my great aunt's time capsule. I didn't approach because that's not how I roll. It's not that I'm disturbed by the dead. It's that I'd already said goodbye, and I'm pretty sure she had long since left the building. However, after I had said my hellos to my loved ones and sat behind my father, I looked up at the body lying at the front of the room. That's when I noticed it. There was a Chucky Doll in my great aunt's coffin standing over her!<br />
<br />
Now I know you're thinking we all should have fled, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the Chucky Doll that was possessed by the evil spirit of a serial killer. It was just one of those Good Guy dolls, complete with overalls, freckles and playful cap. Okay, it probably wasn't a Good Guy doll from the Chucky films, but it sure looked like it. I wasn't the only one who thought so. Every person I asked agreed after looking at me like I was weirder than a Chucky doll in a casket.<br />
<br />
Listen, I know everyone deals with things differently. My aunt dealt with things by collecting dolls, one of which kept her company at her funeral. My mother deals with things by speaking in solemn tones. My husband deals with things by keeping a straight face while his wife kicks the back of his mother-in-law's chair during a funeral. My sister deals with things by reconnecting with everyone down to our third cousin's proctologist. (Maybe an exaggeration. I'm not sure any of our third cousins have proctologists.) My point is, everyone has their thing. Mine is to laugh, even if someone else thinks it's disrespectful. My great aunt would have laughed with me if she had been there. I hope people laugh at my funeral. I hope they laugh a lot and at my expense. It would be beautiful. <br />
<br />Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-31546053590321741982016-12-30T08:17:00.000-08:002016-12-30T08:17:41.462-08:00Holidays and Hospitals<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhANryHY-qsjeNeDEEC-LZ3lgpLziqeupjr2kiXIH7vcM-daSdw45i4r4xXoGUyMtnABeo0YXtFz6ZagUXNE2OARxF5aspgPaaU0vv_Q5ehMGEAR-VxspDNxsselbW63BkwgfW16Ez7yQw/s1600/santa+kids.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhANryHY-qsjeNeDEEC-LZ3lgpLziqeupjr2kiXIH7vcM-daSdw45i4r4xXoGUyMtnABeo0YXtFz6ZagUXNE2OARxF5aspgPaaU0vv_Q5ehMGEAR-VxspDNxsselbW63BkwgfW16Ez7yQw/s320/santa+kids.jpeg" width="257" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trapped in the death grip<br />of a mall Santa</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span id="goog_1344528338"></span><span id="goog_1344528339"></span>Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years . . . some mentally ill folks would rather skip these orgies of food, festivities and family. They're a sensory overload combined with forced family fun that can end in frantic family fighting. Panic attacks, depression, reminders of lost of loved ones and financial stress are just a few of the things that can make us want to run for the hills. Me? I love the holidays and try not to let the triggers catch up to me. I fail sometimes, but this year, in spite of the universe's efforts to the contrary, I had a fucking fabulous Christmas, though sprinkled with some serious family health scares.<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago, one of my favorite ladies, a beloved aunt, became very ill with pneumonia. She wound up in the hospital in critical care for weeks. I hate the hospital. It reminds me of shitty days. Still, it was HER! I had to go, and did several times without freaking out. (Bravo, me) She got better with every visit and I loved getting to watch it happen. Christmas came to life around us and things were looking great. Come Christmas Day, I was ready. Everyone had a perfect present. I made amazing dip and cinnamon pastries. I received beautiful and thoughtful presents. Christmas was fanfuckingtastic.<br />
<br />
A few days later, we heard that the same wonderful lady who was at home recovering was back in the hospital on the brink of death. She'd had what we thought was a heart attack, then another and another. It hit us all hard. I'm not going to reveal any identifying characteristics of this great lady because she's a private person, but let's just say she isn't old enough to go this way. It was finally time to freak out a little, have a cry and worry without distraction. <br /><br />This right here is why a lot of people who are sensitive hate the holidays. It reminds them of moments like this. It reminds them of people they love who aren't there or of the shortcomings of those who are there. It might be because things are really starting to look up for My Brave Lady, but I refuse to hate the holidays still. She loves them. She enjoyed every second of them, in spite of her illnesses. I'm not sure how she feels about it now because she isn't awake yet, but I think she will continue to love Christmas. You have to take advantage of the dopamine rush of giving and receiving, the oxytocin boost that comes with hugs and the amazing smells. Hospitals can suck a fat one, but holidays are still my favorite. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-32992433896280129782016-12-06T08:23:00.000-08:002016-12-06T08:23:48.426-08:00Suicide is Selfish . . . and Other Lies About Mental Illness<b>I'm going to start this off with a rare disclaimer. While I'm saying a lot of things people think about suicide and mental illness aren't true, I'm not saying the opposite of what they think. When I say suicide isn't selfish, that doesn't mean I think it's selfless. I think it's a horrible thing that people do sometimes because they can't figure out another option. I want those people to get help, first and foremost. If you're contemplating suicide and you're in the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255. If you're outside of the U.S., just type suicide into Google. The first result will be a help line near you. Please use it.</b><br />
<br />
Now for your irregularly scheduled post. People with mental illness get bombarded with misinformation constantly. I'm sure it's true for patients with any kind of illness really. The cancer patient whose friend on facebook says drinking holy water cured her neighbor's mother-in-law. The fibromyalgia patient who hears it's all in her head. We're all in the same boat. Everyone has a damn opinion, usually accompanied by some lame attempt at credibility, such as my "my mom has depression, so it's impossible for me to be insensitive about your bipolar disorder." So, what are the more common misconceptions I hear about mental illness and what do I think of them? If that sort of thing interests you, read on.<br />
<br />
<b>Suicide is Selfish</b><br />
<br />
This one is so common that I hear it my regular life, not just in the wilds of the Internet. I hear that it's selfish because it hurts the people who are left behind. I hear it's weak because the person just didn't snap out of it and keep fighting. These people 110% do not understand clinical suicidality. They may have lost a loved one and thought, "I just want to die." They may have even passingly considered suicide at one point or another as a way to escape their problems. It's easy to see why they think it's selfish because their feelings on it have always been that way. Let's explore why it isn't.<br />
<br />
Depression, anxiety and hallucinations are examples of some of the mental pain that can lead to suicidality. When felt at the more extreme end of the spectrum, these symptoms/conditions are all-consuming. They can convince you that you're useless. They can convince you that you are a burden on your family. They can convince you that you will never contribute to society, you are dangerous, you are in danger and that the world is better if you are dead. They can cause tremendous anguish in the sufferer. People who are suicidal often think about it as an option because they think it will be better for others. What's selfish about that? Sure, they're wrong, and even if their illness makes them a little needier, it doesn't matter. Being wrong does not a selfish act make, so why not leave these poor folks to rest? If suicide really bothers you, maybe don't waste time calling it selfish and spend that time showing someone their value.<br />
<br />
<b>Nature, Talking to a Friend, Etc. is Better Than Medicine</b><br />
<br />
I see these memes all the time online. They'll have pictures of a puppy and say "the only therapy I need" or show a forest and read "medicine is bullsh*t, doctors should prescribe a hike." There are so many of these I've lost track. Listen, we all know that the happy things in life are good for people with mental illness. They're good for all of us. That doesn't mean they can replace medication. Medication can save people's lives. This kind of misinformation backed up with a dismissive "it's what works for me" only proves that these people aren't mentally ill. They're just people having people problems. That's fine. Go for a walk. I'll be over here taking my prescribed medications so that I can also go for a walk.<br />
<br />
<b>Mental Illness Means You're Weak</b><br />
<br />
Oh, please. Tell that to soldiers with PTSD. Tell that to people who've survived sexual trauma more times than they can remember. Tell that to the guy managing to take care of his family in spite of voices he hears telling him lies about himself and others. Tell that to the girl having a panic attack in a class and finishing anyway. People with mental illness are not more strong or weak than anyone else. They have to deal with more emotionally, but there are the weak and the strong among us just as there are among any other demographic. We're all just humans and mental illness can happen to any of us.<br />
<br />
<b>People With Mental Illness are Violent</b><br />
<br />
This myth is particularly damaging to people with mental illness. I'm not going to argue that there aren't volatile individuals among us. I won't argue that sometimes an agitated sufferer can act out. However, I will argue that mentally ill people aren't the cause of gun violence in America. Mentally ill people don't even make up the majority of gun violence perpetrators. Numbers seem to point to mentally ill individuals being more likely to be victims of violent crimes than perpetrators. As for myself, it would take a lot to get me to do something violent. I'm terrified of even accidentally hurting someone, let alone doing it on purpose.<br />
<br />
<b>Mental Disorders Aren't Medical Conditions</b><br />
<br />
Thanks to Scientology, anti-pharm and armchair doctors across the world, there is a common misconception that mental disorders aren't the same as medical conditions. Thanks for that one, guys. That's why you can't get decent help in an ER for a psych crisis. Your brain is part of your body. I'm not sure if they've noticed that yet, but yeah. It's not separate. It's an organ inside of your body. If it malfunctions, you have a medical condition. It's only differentiated inasmuch as a heart doctor is for your heart. A mental health professional is for your brain and may be part of a patient's support team that includes a neurologist.<br />
<br />
I get that a lot of misunderstandings come from personal experience with a few mentally ill individuals or simply from ignorance. Just try to remember that anecdotes aren't evidence and what a person does to treat their condition is none of your business. We're all just trying to feel better. <br />
<br />
Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-82010881887288256182016-11-30T07:36:00.002-08:002016-11-30T07:36:31.050-08:00Shut the F*ck Up Anxiety!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/71/SHUT_UP%5E_NAME%2C_RANK%2C_SERIAL_NO._ONLY%5E_-_NARA_-_515415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/71/SHUT_UP%5E_NAME%2C_RANK%2C_SERIAL_NO._ONLY%5E_-_NARA_-_515415.jpg" width="234" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This image couldn't be<br />more unrelated. I just like it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I like to pretend I'm cultivating an attitude of calm. I meditate. I do yoga. I'm mindful. Many days, I can hear the whispering of anxiety that almost constantly lingers in the back of mind and ignore it. Other days, it's a bit louder. Some days, it's like, "Hey, remember me? Yeah, I'm going to make you have a major meltdown that will take you months to recover from again. You'll never see it coming." On thosee days, I just want to tell my anxiety to shut it's f*cking mouth. You know what I mean?<br />
<br />
I know, I know. Fighting anxiety is one of the reasons we suffer from it. Radically accepting can truly be helpful. Just letting it happen while trying desperately not to do things like go to the hospital, neurotically clean your house, pace around the block multiple times a day can also help, if you can manage not to react to the anxiety. Distraction is one of my favorite tools. That's nice too. I get it. Playing nice works better. I don't always want to play nice, though. Sometimes, I want to get mad.<br />
<br />
I want to say, "Hey, *ssh*le. This is my head. I've got stuff to do and I don't care if you think I'm going to get a UTI and die. I don't have time to obsess about relapsing. I don't want to hear your incessant fear mongering. I don't want to shake or cry or have to use the bathroom twenty times in an hour. I want you to pack your sh*t and move out." My therapist would tell me that's cool. She'd say to go for it. I just feel like if I do, I'm going to make myself miserable.<br />
<br />
Instead, I'm going to spend today distracting myself from my fears. I'm going to do things I love. I'm going to keep myself busy enough that the voice in the back of my head can't shout over the rest of the stuff that is going on. I'm going to try and I'll probably succeed. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-82582600429442129002016-11-18T08:17:00.000-08:002016-11-18T08:17:26.132-08:00Opposing Anxiety<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwhtCGJAuyUoIdU4l_5pXwMLVgpC0QF46uas9loS4tkf6nKm_njNnyXuFd7LmC-twD3oHIGnRlO4AB_7iOdLkP_p8cWhUrVBI3SW8wxjqZ28vo5o99rqZKnpeNtDRPgTvX1QMXqc7ea1o/s1600/IMG_0052.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwhtCGJAuyUoIdU4l_5pXwMLVgpC0QF46uas9loS4tkf6nKm_njNnyXuFd7LmC-twD3oHIGnRlO4AB_7iOdLkP_p8cWhUrVBI3SW8wxjqZ28vo5o99rqZKnpeNtDRPgTvX1QMXqc7ea1o/s320/IMG_0052.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Took this gorgeous photo<br />when I opposed anxiety and <br />spent the day in the city.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I may have said here before that I think we suffer more when we fight anxiety. I believe that to be true. Trying to get rid of it, hating it and otherwise making your struggle greater seems counter intuitive to me. However, that doesn't mean you can't <i>oppose </i>your anxiety. Instead of coming to blows with it, just go against it. Do what it doesn't want you to do.<br />
<br />
Exposures are a common enough concept in anxiety. It means doing the thing you're afraid over and over until it becomes old hat and thus less terrifying. This is a similar concept, but less structured. It's something I try to do in the moment. For example, say I think about going to the movies and it makes my stomach flip-flop. Well, before I was maybe going to the movies, now, hopefully, I definitely am. An emotion doesn't get to tell me who to be and how to live life. I, we, deserve to go to the movies.<br />
<br />
I am starting to think of it as doing the opposite. It isn't always appropriate, so I can't always implement it, but it's a fun tool to have. If anxiety says, get up and move around, clean, workout, do something! I sit. I work. I read. I play video games, but I stay still. If anxiety says, stay here. You can't go out and do the thing! I don't stay. I go out and do the thing. Listen, it isn't successful every time or this would hardly be a disorder, but I'm enjoying trying to stay ahead of my anxiety and showing it that's it's wrong from time to time.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying if you're anxiety tells you not to hurt yourself or someone to do the opposite. That's horrible, and you don't want to do that. I'm not saying that if your anxiety smartly tells you not to drive 101 miles on the interstate that you should put the pedal to the metal. These are areas where anxiety is useful . . . and correct. Deep down, you know when your anxiety is being rational and when it is irrational. Try to know when to oppose and when to listen up.Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-18670348246519338762016-10-17T08:06:00.000-07:002016-10-17T08:06:27.236-07:00Mental Checking . . . Ruminating . . . Whatever You Want To Call ItIf you have OCD, you know all about checking. Even if you don't, maybe you've seen depictions in the media of people checking door locks, knobs and anything with a switch over and over again. While that's a fair portrayal of some manifestations of OCD, some of us have a sneakier way of checking, and it's a bit harder to get a grasp on than checking physical objects. Mental checking happens all inside of our heads, and it's much like not thinking of an elephant when someone tells you not to think of an elephant.<br />
<br />
Mental checks, which can be a bit like ruminating and run together with anxious ruminations, are questions people with OCD ask themselves in order to seek reassurance for an intrusive thought. For example, I could have the intrusive thought that I might stab myself with a knife without thinking about it. Common mental checks I will perform after having these thoughts include scanning my mind to see if I feel like I'm losing it enough to randomly stab myself or looking for feelings that I want to stab myself. I may also physically avoid knives if the anxiety gets intense, but that's the avoidance feature of anxiety, not checking.<br />
<br />
I will often do mental checks of my sanity, as ludicrous as that may sound. I also often scan for bodily sensations. I have a strong aversion to just about every sensation I've ever felt while having panic attacks, so I check for those. Do I feel sweaty? Is it from exertion or am I panicking? Do I feel nauseous? Are my thoughts racing? Sometimes, I'll check so many times in one day, it's hard to tell if I ever stopped. Other days, I might only check once or twice.<br />
<br />
Part of treatment for OCD is exposure and response prevention. Checking is a response to the exposed stimulus–be it a thought or an action like going to a crowded store or eating without washing your hands. What makes response prevention difficult for mental checking is that trying not to think about something is an effort in futility. I've yet to find the answer for this problem. I've met with some success trying radical acceptance, turning the thoughts into something ridiculous and distraction, which I know some would frown on, but this is my treatment spaghetti soup. Whatever works for me is happening.<br />
<br />
It might be tough to get a handle on mental checks, but I believe its doable. Everything comes with practice. It might take years. This is life. It's not like I have anything more important to do. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-52217657393782096702016-10-03T06:40:00.001-07:002016-10-03T06:48:04.239-07:00The Buddhist Concept of Equanimity as a Tool Against Anxiety<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8a/2012.07_eurotrip_Dresden_S%C3%A4chsische_Schweiz_25.jpg/800px-2012.07_eurotrip_Dresden_S%C3%A4chsische_Schweiz_25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8a/2012.07_eurotrip_Dresden_S%C3%A4chsische_Schweiz_25.jpg/800px-2012.07_eurotrip_Dresden_S%C3%A4chsische_Schweiz_25.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Woman meditating outdoors<br />
Photo by <span class="mw-mmv-source-author"><span class="mw-mmv-author"><a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Sigurdas" title="User:Sigurdas">Sigurdas</a></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Sometimes, when I am seeking tools for my mental health toolbox, I find an idea that grabs me. It can be some small quote or a much bigger concept, such as with <a href="http://nordan.daynal.org/wiki/index.php?title=Equanimity" target="_blank">equanimity</a>. I came across equanimity as a mind-body practice in the book "Buddha's Brain" by Rick Hanson. As with mindfulness, loving-kindness, compassion and other themes in meditation, it takes time to develop and should help promote a more grounded mind. <br />
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As I understood it, equanimity is much like radical acceptance. It's being okay with what's happening and what's to come. It's like finding no difference between good and bad when it comes to your mental well-being. I thought of it as not caring if you laughed or panicked all day. I'm sure my understanding will become more robust as I research and practice equanimity. It's learning to stop mentally clinging to good, wishing for only good, chasing pleasure and running from pain. All of these things will come whether we wish them or not. <br />
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In my thus far limited reading on the topic, I've found it repeated often that equanimity is not indifference. Practicing it will not make you some zombie without feelings. You'll just, with practice and patience, learn to keep your ego from determining how you feel, what you want and how you react to life's inevitable negative situations. I'm still not entirely sure how it works, but I'm willing to give it a try. It seems like a nice idea, even if I'm not successful. It can't hurt to read and think about it. <br />
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If you decide to meditate a bit on equanimity, I think it's important that you find quality meditations on the topic. There are a lot of too brief, non-specific or unrelated meditations out there labeled as equanimity meditations. Find something that's a good fit for you or even enhance your knowledge on the topic before creating your own meditations. I'm not sure if it will help your anxiety, but you're doing a lot of thinking anyway. You might as well think with a purpose.Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-52538651260854915972016-09-28T10:04:00.000-07:002016-09-28T10:04:49.853-07:00But I Don't Wanna Go to the DentistUgh. I need a cleaning. I also have a bit of a toothache that my anxiety is exacerbating the crap out of. In order to deal with these things, I have to go to the dentist. Those of you who have dentist phobia shudder at the thought I'm sure. I actually like the dentist. I love getting cleanings, and I like knowing my teeth are a bit healthier or at least stable. Does that mean I don't panic about going? Hell, no. I'm freaking out a bit.<br />
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I'm not going to go into depth about what makes me anxious about going to the dentist. I don't want to get you hung up on my hang ups. I know how anxiety and obsessions work, so I'll spare you. Let's just say I really want to get this thing done, I just don't want to have to go and stay places in order to do it. I was hoping to jam in there this morning, get it done with and get the thought out of my mind, but my dentist can't fit me in until Tuesday. *le sigh*<br />
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So, this is me, reaching out to those of you who just don't want to go to the dentist. I feel you. I know waiting around sucks. I know worrying about your oral health sucks. I know there are myriad things there to make you uncomfortable. We just have to do it. Get in there, suffer it out, and take care of ourselves.Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-23922119237663335762016-09-23T11:55:00.000-07:002016-09-23T11:55:50.906-07:00Panicking on Purpose<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The road to <a href="http://www.div12.org/sites/default/files/WhatIsExposureTherapy.pdf" target="_blank">anxiety disorder recovery</a> is paved with panic attacks. In order to overcome your panic to any degree, you have to have panic attacks on purpose. You have to put one foot in front of the other down that road and get used to that which gives you distress. It sounds counter-intuitive. Trust me, it is doing the exact opposite of what your mind and body are telling you to do, which is why a lot of us, myself included, have persistent anxiety disorders.<br />
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For most of us, the biggest problem with anxiety isn't the thoughts and events that trigger it but rather the resultant, often extreme, discomfort. Once something gives you a panic attack, your brain starts to believe that there really was danger. A panic attack sure feels like danger, so it is completely logical and rational to fear the things that have given you panic attacks in the past. Don't let anyone tell you differently. What you have to do is embrace the illogical. Accept the unexpected and purposely do things that make you panic. Give yourself the freedom to be absurd and belly flop right into that gut-wrenching terror.<br />
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Today, I did something my therapist and I discussed with my husband in my last session. I hopped in my car by myself (I loathe driving without another licensed driver in the car.), drove to the local park and went for a walk. On the way home, I decided to take it a bit further. I drove down to the local grocery store and was considering doing some shopping, but by then I knew I was going to have a panic attack soon, so I went home and have been having off and on and anxiety for about 2 hours since. Do I hate it? Yes. Still, I'm proud of myself and know it was like taking my medicine. I'm going to have to do it again and again, maybe for a long time. There will be setbacks. There will definitely be panic attacks. There will also be good times along the way as I achieve my goals and get back to the things I love.<br />
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If you're on the road to recovery, I'm both sorry and happy for you. It's not going to be a simple fix. There is no simple fix. However, it's going to be worth it. You're going to be tough, or you'll just endure it. Either way, you'll survive it. That's what we do. We take a deep breath and keep going. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-69434806417400747132016-09-08T19:09:00.001-07:002016-09-08T19:09:31.564-07:00Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson a Great Read for the Anxious<style>
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<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/510kpkb%2Bm4L._SY346_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/510kpkb%2Bm4L._SY346_.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">As a mental health patient, I think it's nice when
my therapist does something that shows me she is thinking of my treatment even
when I'm not around. My latest therapist, whom I have been seeing for a few
months, came in with a treat for me last week, proving she's "on the
case." She told me that she started reading a book that made her think of
me, so she brought it in for me to read myself. That book was <i>Buddha's Brain:
The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom</i> by Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
with Richard Mendius, M.D.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><i>Buddha's Brain</i> delves into the neuroscience behind
stress, anxiety and depression while focusing on the effect meditative practice
has on the brain. The book is peppered with Buddhist quotes and some background
on Buddhism itself, but don't be fooled. This is not a religious book. It does
touch on spirituality, but the topic appears to come up mainly because
spiritual matters can have a profound effect on your mental health. Buddha and
Buddhism come up because Buddhist meditation is a proven method of relieving
stress and anxiety while increasing your overall sense of well-being.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">Instead of giving you a review of <i>Buddha's Brain</i>,
I'm going to tell you what it has to offer for us anxious and/or depressed
folks. I found a lot of classic DBT and CBT methods mentioned in the book that
veteran patients will hopefully recognize, such as mindfulness and the benefits
of gratitude. I also found some valuable insights into dealing with painful
memories, making meditation more approachable, nurturing positive relationships
and so on. In short, both people who have sought help for years and people
first reaching out for help will find this book useful in their treatment and life in general. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">What made my therapist think of me when she was
reading <i>Buddha's Brain</i> was the neuroscience component. She knows I prefer
science to spirituality (not that you can't have both). Hanson provides pages
of references for the assertions he makes regarding brain chemistry, memory
storage, etc. You know he's not just spouting the latest feel-good self-help
tropes, which I know a lot of you will appreciate. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><i>Buddha's Brain</i> provides everything you need to start
or supplement a meditation practice. If you don't want to meditate, it can help
you learn how to guide your thoughts so you can cultivate the wisdom that you
want in your life, strengthening those thoughts and hopefully weakening the hold negative thoughts have on you. It's not a magic cure for what ails you spiritually and mentally, but
rather a tool in the mental health toolbox you should always be expanding. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">If you have any book suggestions you think I should check out, please let me know in the comments section. </span></div>
Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-91464755001032816002016-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:002016-08-28T13:35:02.462-07:00The Anxiety Ripple<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2a/Ripple_effect_on_water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2a/Ripple_effect_on_water.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ripple on water by <a class="external text" href="http://www.flickr.com/people/31191642@N05" rel="nofollow">Sergiu Bacioiu</a></td></tr>
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A funny thing happens to me when I have a panic attack and haven't had one in a while (a while being relative to how often I'm having them lately). I call this 'funny' thing the Anxiety Ripple, as of today. The attack sets it off like a reminder that yes, I do indeed still have anxiety. For the next few days, I think about anxiety a ton, which causes me more, usually ever-decreasing, anxiety. That's the ripple. The ripple is a bitch.<br />
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I'll explain to you my latest ripple to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. I know I'm not a precious snowflake in a sea of anxiety sufferers, so I'm sure a bunch of you already know what I'm getting at. A few days ago, my husband and I arranged to take my nieces (2 and 7) overnight for the first time in about a year. It had been so long because I had a relapse of my anxiety symptoms that set me back a bit. I knew I would be anxious, but I went into an anxiety attack between a 6 and a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 before they got to our house for the night. Bummer.<br />
<br />
I managed the panic attack pretty well, had the girls over for the night and the majority of the following day. That following day, I kept thinking about the panic attack I'd had and how it meant I could have another one any time. I imagined it setting me all the way back again, being in a very dark place, not being able to sleep and so on. This morning, I woke up with similar thoughts, had limited symptom attacks and tried to get on with my day.<br />
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I think I fear panic so much that it becomes my obsession. I'm trying to learn to let go of my attachment to being calm, so I can be anxious without suffering so much. In many ways, it's working. Other times, my mind isn't very clear, which makes sorting my thoughts difficult. Still, on I truck. I hope everyone else who ripples keeps trucking too. <br />
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<br />Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-67841694892674909732016-08-15T10:31:00.003-07:002016-08-15T10:31:55.177-07:00Let's Talk About StigmaOCD is one of the Internet's favorite mental disorders. It's talked about a lot, whether by mental health professionals and sufferers or the rest of humanity. Like all mental disorders, there is a certain amount of stigma surrounding obsessive-compulsive disorder. You find it at home, in public and on the Internet. There's no escaping it, so I thought it prudent to chat about the types of stigma I seem to see and hear a lot in my life as it pertains to this disorder. <br />
<br />
<h4>
OCD Memes With Things Out of Order</h4>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You couldn't handle an OCD nightmare.</td></tr>
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You've seen it–the tile slightly out of line with the surrounding tiles and some misinformed quote about it being your friend with OCD's worst nightmare. Guess what? It's not. Her worst nightmare is that someone she loves or a stranger is mangled or dies and it is somehow her fault (or one of other similar themes). She may or may not cope with that fear by keeping things tidy as a form of "magical thinking" that if she fixes the tile, her family is safe, but she doesn't give a shit about the tile. You see what I'm saying? The only thing that bothers us about those photos is that people might start thinking we'd be okay if only the tiles were in a straight line. <br />
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<h4>
<b>Self-Diagnosing</b></h4>
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I connect with a lot of people who have OCD. It really makes me feel less isolated, and I hope my presence does the same for them. A lot of my connections post about how annoying it is to see the "I am so OCD" posts from people who like things orderly or hate sticky stuff on their hands. OCD and other anxiety disorders are often thought of as abnormal reactions to normal situations. Washing your hands because they've got gross on 'em is a normal reaction to a normal situation. Washing your bleeding, raw and cracked hands because you haven't done it 150 times yet today is an abnormal reaction. When you compare your normal behavior to our abnormal behavior, you minimize the effect OCD has on us. People think of it as a first-world problem instead of a mental disorder.<br />
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<h4>
Ignoring the Thought Part of the Disorder</h4>
<br />
Some of us who have OCD exhibit unusual behaviors like counting our steps, opening and closing doors a certain number of times, engaging in excessive grooming, etc. That is just a result of the main part of the disorder-disturbing thoughts. No matter what sub type of OCD a person has, he has intrusive thoughts that cause great distress. When people boil OCD down to just behaviors, they ignore that OCD has an even darker side, which lends to the stigma because people think we "just" do this or that.<br />
<br />
To be fair, most of the folks who perpetuate the stigma do so without intention. They're just making a joke, and I'm the first to admit OCD can be hilarious. That said, you can joke about it while accurately portraying its challenges. You definitely don't have to claim you have OCD to talk about your quirks, either. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-81203860429996461142016-07-18T09:52:00.000-07:002016-07-18T09:52:25.266-07:00Facts About Anxiety, OCD and "Living in the Moment"In anxiety treatment and some spiritual philosophies, being able to be "in the moment" is a lofty achievement. It is said, and is often proven, to lead to a greater sense of well-being and ability to handle tremendous feelings. I thought I'd share a few things about this elusive practice of being in the moment with whoever is reading this. Sometimes, I find it helpful and, of course, want everyone living with anxiety to have as much help as possible.<br />
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<h4>
1. The Moment is the Only Thing That is Real</h4>
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Before you run away thinking I'm about to get pseudo-philosophical on you, think about it for a moment. We rarely remember the past exactly as it was, and it's gone anyway. Sure, it happened, but it's not happening right now. The future is not certain for anyone. You can plan, and should to some degree, but you can't know what will happen, so unless you're creating safety nets, setting realistic goals or planning fun outings, your ruminations about the future might be unhealthy. You could be imagining catastrophe after catastrophe for no reason! Remind yourself, none of that is real and bring yourself back to what is happening RIGHT NOW. You'll fail at that sometimes. It's much easier to do when the moment is enjoyable.<br />
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<h4>
2. Sometimes the Moment Sucks</h4>
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Well, if the moment is the only thing we can really trust, what do you do if the moment sucks? Well, there are two things that you can do. Firstly, you can accept that the moment sucks. Yep. Shit happens and it's going to happen to you. However, you can also realize that moments are impermanent. If you're an anxious person, you feel intense emotions that you just want to pass. They always do, in spite of our fears. In these moments, it helps to remember that it will stop, even if it takes a while.<br />
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<h4>
3. You Don't Have to Meditate to Be in the Moment</h4>
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Meditation is a helpful way to learn to let thoughts come and go. It helps you to focus on breathing and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. However, you do not have to do it to be in the moment. You can be in the moment any time, anywhere. You can focus on the sound of leaves crunching under your feet on a hike, relish the wind in your hair as your rake your yard or breathe in the scent of a loved one during a hug. All of these things and many more center you in the here and now. You don't need 100 scented candles, a special butt pillow, an altar to the old gods and the new or a mandala drapery hanging ten feet high in front of you. You just need a moment in which to be.<br />
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<h4>
4. It's Not Possible to Always Be in the Moment</h4>
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Don't let trying to live in the moment be another reason to bully yourself. Not living in the moment is not failure. In fact, sometimes you have to take yourself out of the moment and imagine possible future scenarios. Sometimes, you'll really want to think about the past so you can see a loved one again. That's fine. It doesn't matter. Just practice being in the moment when you can so you can use that skill when you really need a break from your fear.<br />
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<h4>
5. Physical Stimuli Help Me</h4>
<br />
Everyone has different tricks. For me, and for many others, physical cues can bring me into the moment. Running my hands under cold water, taking a shower, holding an ice cube, standing in the wind, hugging a loved one, etc. These can bring me back. Sometimes, it is only very fleeting and I get right back into ruminating, but I can always grab another hug or sit outside in the cool wind a little longer. <br />
<br />
If you're having trouble with ruminating and accepting feelings or just want to be a little less stressed, look into mindfulness meditation or just mindfulness in general. Like all tools for mental health, it has different levels of success for everyone, but it takes very little energy to learn and try.<br />
<br />
If you have any mindfulness tricks you want to share, please feel free to do so in the comments section.<br />
<br />
<br />Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-68822655715032117052016-07-08T11:07:00.000-07:002016-07-08T11:07:17.864-07:00Responsibility AnxietyAs I've mentioned before, anxiety has themes. One of the themes that comes up a lot for me is responsibility. Being responsible for another person's health or happiness stresses me out . . . a lot. Like other anxieties, it waxes and wanes. Some days, I can watch five kids and a dog for four hours and be perfectly fine. Other days, the mere thought of having to pour someone the right cereal to milk ratio in a bowl is enough to bring me to the verge of panic. So, I thought I'd talk about it.<br />
<br />
Anxiety about responsibility presents a lot of problems in my life. I'm responsible for the cooking and cleaning in my house, for the most part, which can make me anxious. Some days, I have to scrub the entire house clean just to feel like I'm on top of things. I'm also a full time writer/blogger/author. I get twinges of anxiety all the time about deadlines, meeting clients' expectations and making enough money to pull my own weight. I very rarely have problems in any of these areas, but anxiety doesn't care. It even makes me go back and forth on whether I want kids because, you know, I'll be responsible for them.<br />
<br />
I suspect my fear of being the cause of anyone's pain, hunger, displeasure, etc. fuels this anxiety and OCD theme. I also suspect it's behind a lot more of my anxiety than I notice. This knowledge doesn't change anything for me. I didn't all of a sudden realize it and come up with a plan to stop it. I'm not going to shirk responsibilities. Besides, another theme would just pop up. I think I'm just going to keep doing the things I'm responsible for and giving the anxiety that comes with it the finger. Oh, you think I'm going to disappoint everyone, anxiety? Well, I just might and see how you like that. <br />
<br />
<br />Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-90891214008055283402016-06-21T15:05:00.000-07:002016-06-28T06:37:21.366-07:00Review of the Stress Free App by Thrive<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBMEeHkArocET1GfPkzs_LoQryfUfK13J_wumfUel9qbBPC3luuULY1bsDCqjFi5kfDJNBpNeU6ruZ4EwxGTevfjPHE9xNE2oiGIvwiUFlFlZIbhzqiEBqJ-HtKSCqtvE7oBywaJISsAk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-06-27+at+10.36.50+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBMEeHkArocET1GfPkzs_LoQryfUfK13J_wumfUel9qbBPC3luuULY1bsDCqjFi5kfDJNBpNeU6ruZ4EwxGTevfjPHE9xNE2oiGIvwiUFlFlZIbhzqiEBqJ-HtKSCqtvE7oBywaJISsAk/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-06-27+at+10.36.50+AM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Screenshot of the Stress Free<br />
home screen</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Stress Free is an app created by Thrive to give people tools to help them meditate, breathe mindfully and more. You can use it right from the <a href="http://www.feelstressfree.com/WebGL/#1" target="_blank">website</a>. There is no download required. However, there is about a £5 per month fee for a monthly subscription and a little less for a six or twelve-month subscription. You can try the app before you commit to a subscription.<br />
<br />
Full disclosure: I was given a full month free trial of the app so that I
could try it and review it. The opinions here are my own, unbiased view
of my experience using the app.<br />
<br />
While I was signing in for the first time, the site played soothing music. I wasn't having any particular anxiety at the time, but it was still relaxing. The home page featured an inviting beach animation, complete with rolling waves. Signing up was simple. I typed in the usual name, email and password to create an account. In order to log in, I had to confirm my email address.<br />
<br />
Once you have an account, you will see a few options on the page arranged over a cartoon island. They include breathing, "Thrive," meditation, self-hypnosis and deep muscle. I clicked Thrive first to learn a bit more. It took me to a link to a blog, a mental health helpline and advice on how to get help from NHS after hours. I'm in the U.S. and these resources are based in the UK, so they are not super helpful to me. However, that wouldn't be a deterrent for using the app because people in the U.S. can find similar help with just a quick Google search. <br />
<br />
Next, I went to breathing. I have some experience with breathing techniques, but it is nice to have guided options. Stress Free explains that breathing has some benefits and offers breathing exercise lengths between 3 minutes and 15 minutes. I went with three to start. A friendly voice explains that calm breathing can help you relax and tells you how to do it, at least insofar as telling you how long to breathe in, hold and breathe out. Page features a little animated dude and some more ocean scenery that I later realized were present for most of the pages. Be wary, the timer for the breathing practice stops when you click away to another tab. It resumes when you go back, so you have to really do the full exercise to move on to the next thing.<br />
<br />
I tried meditation next. This is something I have significant experience with, though not enough success. Sessions last from 5 minutes to 25 minutes. Again, I went with the shortest to start. I wanted to get a taste of what Stress Free had in the way of meditation before I dove in. Right away, I realized something interesting about the method. Stress Free asks users to repeat a mantra when distracted by thoughts when meditating. It's not my usual method, but I gave it a shot. It kind of reminds me of the "cue word" technique used by a former therapist of mine. You could definitely use this to develop a cue word. <br />
<br />
Deep Muscle didn't unlock until I finished the meditation session. I was wondering what it was because I've only every heard the term deep muscle in reference to massage. It turns out that this is basically a body scan meditation. This one does not have length options or tell you how long it will be. I kept track and it took five minutes to do the muscle exercises. The app then led me through a series of questions that for some reason made me relax more. I'm not sure how long that lasted. I closed my eyes and felt a lot like I should take a nap.<br />
<br />
The final category on the first island was self-hypnosis. I'm not a fan of hypnosis because I think it's pretty much guided meditation with an element of suggestion. Since we're "self" suggesting in this instance, I played along. This too was a lot like conditioning yourself to respond to a cue word or phrase. There is no length option. It takes roughly 3 minutes.<br />
<br />
I finished the first "island" on all of the shortest settings. I then clicked the little palm tree icon on the bottom right that would take me the next island. There was a section there called "Zen Garden."Zen Garden is a cool little area where you can create your own virtual versions of Japanese Zen Gardens. It's meant to help with meditation. It's a nice idea. I suggest shutting off the sound while in the Zen area. The beep it makes when you click on items is distracting. I'm not sure if there is a way to shut that off and keep the music. I know you can shut off the music in the settings section too. You can always play your own relaxing music on another device while using the Stress Free app.<br />
<br />
The second day I logged in, the app asked me my mood based on its mood meter so that it could suggest exercises. When I finished, it didn't suggest anything. In fact, the categories weren't even visible. When I reloaded the page and logged in again, the categories were available and deep muscle was highlighted as my suggested activity. I'm pretty sure that should have happened the first time, but it just glitched out for a second. No big deal. It was back up in no time.<br />
<br />
On the final island, after the Zen Garden island, you can check your progress, write messages in bottles to other users and use the mood meter. There is a thought trainer section in the progress area. I have no idea what that is. I can't find anything that has to do with thought training and I've made no progress in that area in my own treatment. I would like to thought train, but I just couldn't figure it out. Sorry about that, guys.<br />
<br />
My final word on the Stress Free app is that it's pretty cool. I personally have never paid for any of these services because I know where to find them all individually free. However, if you have the budget for it and prefer your breathing, meditation, hypnosis, etc. in the same place, this app could work for you. Do I think it's a magic fix for anxiety disorder? No. Don't expect to be cured when you finish, but don't be afraid to use the app as a tool to get through panic attacks or stressful days. It has the potential to help.<br />
<br />
Note: I reached out to the developers on Twitter to see if they had plans to make it a mobile app and learned that the app is now available on Android and Apple! I didn't test the mobile versions, but I do imagine this will make it more accessible to those who need it. Furthermore, Thrive does intend to continue develop the app, which means more islands and other features in the future. <br />
<br />
<br />Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-34541853705006364742016-06-12T15:43:00.002-07:002016-06-13T11:34:32.065-07:00Women Wearing 24 Things They "Should" Stop Wearing After Age 30This post is, in a round about way, about body image, ageism and mental health. Every day, people of both genders are bombarded with expectations. Look younger, feel younger, act younger, be thinner, be smarter, be happier and people will love you! We're trained to believe that we need to change to fit in, be accepted and be loved by other human beings. <br />
<br />
I ran into an old post online by a "writer" named Kallie Provencher. I'd link it here, but then you might read it. The post was titled "24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30." The meat of the post wasn't much better than the clunky title. It was essentially a catty list of things 30+ women shouldn't wear, coupled with a generic photo and 1-2 snarky lines of copy per item. It would usually run something like, "Children also wear mittens. Totally not cute."<br />
<br />
Here, in no particular order, are the things Provencher included in her list of things women over 30 shouldn't wear accompanied by pictures of women over 30 wearing them.<br />
<br />
<b>Blue Eye Shadow</b><br />
<br />
I get it. Some blue eye shadow is not flattering, but that's true for people of any age. Pro-tip: never apply any eye shadow from lashes to brow, unless you really want to because it's your life. Also, I wore blue eye shadow to my wedding and didn't look even a little like Ursula.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjotVkzUm-7STiWpVtc-Ly0Xvcr-5AkDVnHOgCVTnF1QBDFp-XwZHIm_iX5lAA3pJnckd-IydhPm1BVLCuJSLquxm9IZU2ElCV11JPQoMkPKnp-hWnHsnQgUbNgFcjh5plZsJbHE8TpE-s/s1600/IMG_8667.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjotVkzUm-7STiWpVtc-Ly0Xvcr-5AkDVnHOgCVTnF1QBDFp-XwZHIm_iX5lAA3pJnckd-IydhPm1BVLCuJSLquxm9IZU2ElCV11JPQoMkPKnp-hWnHsnQgUbNgFcjh5plZsJbHE8TpE-s/s320/IMG_8667.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty blue. Note that it doesn't<br />
go up to my eyebrow.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgctjHifwmk1gnJgvzL0EFdXCBYJjlePK-Jc9iXA_grZolRcrvLGKuuJGcKIwOQp2ZVK5tdcXAS8JHmjYDknzDjJ5ohFqc8BO3LuNNFC2cO3nY3ytvq3ymi_iXQgYb6-Z9F489BZgiuvh8/s1600/IMG_8626.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgctjHifwmk1gnJgvzL0EFdXCBYJjlePK-Jc9iXA_grZolRcrvLGKuuJGcKIwOQp2ZVK5tdcXAS8JHmjYDknzDjJ5ohFqc8BO3LuNNFC2cO3nY3ytvq3ymi_iXQgYb6-Z9F489BZgiuvh8/s320/IMG_8626.JPG" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why would I have all these <br />
blue shadows in just one palette<br />
if I'm not supposed to wear them?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<b>Hoop Earrings </b><br />
<br />
I don't have my ears pierced, so I had to seek out some help for this one. I got it from my awesome cousin and her little sweetheart. I have to admit, she's about .5 seconds away from being 30, but she has assured me that she is not putting away those hoops any time soon.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixVG6mHfUWrgOiNSnQgr-MZVQ-DaauZGCMQCl4Z565uVhB8SfG_84uZ8iaRjmfibKt0AT5AqE2AgvngSvxcrA6WG734QDwbD97v2QVvHQQ37BJ8u5MiCrwYrneIpK3WFMgfD5G1BE_Mmo/s1600/13319930_10206277641362135_3767611831691385330_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixVG6mHfUWrgOiNSnQgr-MZVQ-DaauZGCMQCl4Z565uVhB8SfG_84uZ8iaRjmfibKt0AT5AqE2AgvngSvxcrA6WG734QDwbD97v2QVvHQQ37BJ8u5MiCrwYrneIpK3WFMgfD5G1BE_Mmo/s320/13319930_10206277641362135_3767611831691385330_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty ladies for life!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<b>Crop Tops</b><br />
<br />
Not everyone is confident enough to wear a crop top. In fact, the photo below is of me wearing one when no one but my husband was around. However, I say if you have the confidence, wear the hell out of that crop top. It doesn't matter how old you are. Do what feels good.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg9oJTer6GmAO7rMgeUY9hEgOgHXHYHd8bPuV8lS3dDAhkA51SJxX1RqRL6McYsgLtvt06pNkwzxF4B5KYtEENmItzUqmtwAG8lzwlnj56lWvvLr9qNA2vljR-MpI5ZYfOhFWKimBRc0I/s1600/1278913_10202036071603786_1069641604_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg9oJTer6GmAO7rMgeUY9hEgOgHXHYHd8bPuV8lS3dDAhkA51SJxX1RqRL6McYsgLtvt06pNkwzxF4B5KYtEENmItzUqmtwAG8lzwlnj56lWvvLr9qNA2vljR-MpI5ZYfOhFWKimBRc0I/s320/1278913_10202036071603786_1069641604_o.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at my belly, bitches.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Anything Furry</b><br />
<br />
For this item, one of my oldest friends (not old like <i>that</i>) gave me a quick selfie of her in a furry coat or vest. She quite frankly doesn't give a fuck what other people think she <i>should</i> wear. I love her for it.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH9dF05YsJeuWDQ_t8ZgmAnGTQuiJcZB47cUOSj02taSZWfrcy0E3m6hshiAYGg12DOvbQZomikTGigTtt7CExAayiG5pHIaR9kw8fZft85Bhb-6GTnYklQYbnNei-OlvJqOE5Q9khjj0/s1600/13335984_10210042412802777_4347257839969589704_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH9dF05YsJeuWDQ_t8ZgmAnGTQuiJcZB47cUOSj02taSZWfrcy0E3m6hshiAYGg12DOvbQZomikTGigTtt7CExAayiG5pHIaR9kw8fZft85Bhb-6GTnYklQYbnNei-OlvJqOE5Q9khjj0/s320/13335984_10210042412802777_4347257839969589704_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just try and take her furry clothes.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/d9/d9279c02a8e224d0942e4df0b55af8ea71510b61965897a5e2335b708aec4bcd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/d9/d9279c02a8e224d0942e4df0b55af8ea71510b61965897a5e2335b708aec4bcd.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>Old Sneakers</b><br />
<br />
Old sneakers are the sweatpants of footwear. Are you trying to suggest people over 30 shouldn't be comfortable? Well, I don't care.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIxfuaJsG0v33uKc7ib0JDt1IwydEu12StMHbwh5Cp4x0rs_e0DKclQ8Y9Tvny8HyGS-5xqoVV6YyT17XiYmFsrJU8fdhrmvXOnWGmjTeSUzhp1yf87fWdEbA9-2UERthTZUJcgGldTX8/s1600/IMG_8653.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIxfuaJsG0v33uKc7ib0JDt1IwydEu12StMHbwh5Cp4x0rs_e0DKclQ8Y9Tvny8HyGS-5xqoVV6YyT17XiYmFsrJU8fdhrmvXOnWGmjTeSUzhp1yf87fWdEbA9-2UERthTZUJcgGldTX8/s320/IMG_8653.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not only are they old, but I<br />
also paired them with a skirt. Booya! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>Stuff That's Bedazzled</b><br />
<br />
Hey, there is no reason to limit sparkles to younger women. Everyone wants to shine a little sometimes. Pink Floyd even tells us to. Who are we to ignore a direct order from Pink Floyd? Here's my cousin again rocking some youthful bedazzling. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzm054kVVFfK5u7BWsiyt7mR9jMij6IIU4ihCN5ABXqeYTZumru_PzkbcyHx3W7f2MFPoamappsdsib4Tx6ZU_hTp1Q1kOgylv1AyaSqTUaCU3TQ-nlfVN-aWLLJEAipGeZyTYhrxADY0/s1600/IMG_8719.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzm054kVVFfK5u7BWsiyt7mR9jMij6IIU4ihCN5ABXqeYTZumru_PzkbcyHx3W7f2MFPoamappsdsib4Tx6ZU_hTp1Q1kOgylv1AyaSqTUaCU3TQ-nlfVN-aWLLJEAipGeZyTYhrxADY0/s320/IMG_8719.JPG" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Girl still has her<br />
scrubs on from work.<br />
She's too busy for my bullshit.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b>Mini Skirts</b><br />
<br />
I'll go right ahead and admit I don't usually wear mini skirts out in public, but I do own one. I dusted it off just for you guys. I even added my booties that make me feel like the leaning tower of geisha.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8lE3DmHDm8JUJacEp8bI1HDV6jLJYDJiIbKMXLGc0RcfoInwbrIan6YOqSvFa9EZBsDtRMsy5VGIviVTXHycG12zKdppXL6L08AszmC5uXodU5FucCEknHVeaXoinYsqCJGometutRuw/s1600/IMG_8659.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8lE3DmHDm8JUJacEp8bI1HDV6jLJYDJiIbKMXLGc0RcfoInwbrIan6YOqSvFa9EZBsDtRMsy5VGIviVTXHycG12zKdppXL6L08AszmC5uXodU5FucCEknHVeaXoinYsqCJGometutRuw/s320/IMG_8659.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, yeah. I look like I'm<br />
headed to the bar. So what?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Leopard Print</b><br />
<br />
I'm not really into leopard print unless I'm painting it on someone. However, a ton of women love it. Here's my buddy Theresa rocking a leopard-print blouse. Thanks, Theresa!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfHbbd0mEW8sHr1rk_Ok6YFz2w9i7L4AzY0B5sjNfdDmpAJH282OEDmBJRPPuob1mPror-W8B24QAcC2f7igiunXz5lTJvqoiYkAqyZSgTYaezXS-RqFvJ3QJSFvobn9yxmmNnU7fiHvo/s1600/13348665_1381262325222911_1319452360_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfHbbd0mEW8sHr1rk_Ok6YFz2w9i7L4AzY0B5sjNfdDmpAJH282OEDmBJRPPuob1mPror-W8B24QAcC2f7igiunXz5lTJvqoiYkAqyZSgTYaezXS-RqFvJ3QJSFvobn9yxmmNnU7fiHvo/s320/13348665_1381262325222911_1319452360_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That print is actually not so bad.<br />
Maybe I need to buy some leopard-print stuff now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Short Dresses</b><br />
<br />
This I am totally guilty of. I'm 6' tall. Of course I show off my legs sometimes. The legs are the last things to go, ladies.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkoOBKRyi-uBMxzDhiShAAv03mAqsJ8jMnI23JCi1ozdeh4GBLOxkA_7IVOPIMIm_Lgn2i1aB32Pl4adzMKJQr1e_RFysMT7aNeB1gx2JUHnMdqOadyu_cMFdKFJ_oKJOFugMn3XvJUrc/s1600/IMG_8643.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkoOBKRyi-uBMxzDhiShAAv03mAqsJ8jMnI23JCi1ozdeh4GBLOxkA_7IVOPIMIm_Lgn2i1aB32Pl4adzMKJQr1e_RFysMT7aNeB1gx2JUHnMdqOadyu_cMFdKFJ_oKJOFugMn3XvJUrc/s320/IMG_8643.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My poor husband had to<br />
take so many pics of me today.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimqX1zboxwi_IjcG7IaSiXAK2f4dJ9dCdZe3oA2K6JBn5EiPTHbswzJe6sCQn4b_JvoO-aIafPbiIyx35pyjwmKtqkextMgXU-sERy4A1U_eQ3EZkAiIbr2AlfeEEhOw4Wyg0xmZmIeqs/s1600/IMG_8648.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimqX1zboxwi_IjcG7IaSiXAK2f4dJ9dCdZe3oA2K6JBn5EiPTHbswzJe6sCQn4b_JvoO-aIafPbiIyx35pyjwmKtqkextMgXU-sERy4A1U_eQ3EZkAiIbr2AlfeEEhOw4Wyg0xmZmIeqs/s320/IMG_8648.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I added a mirror selfie because<br />
I'm sure the lord of the 'net would<br />
tell me not to do that too.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Furry Boots</b><br />
<br />
Here comes another stupid thing to tell women over 30 they can't wear. Furry boots keep you warm. I guess women over 30 should just freeze and shut up about it. I'm from New England. Everyone has furry boots. Here are a few from some great cousins. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi49nyU_sRBabaYeNrqsLRsBQUCszeIDZpmTYpcGqavYMzOfMmJO3BhSU_kbGWpae3NreNHAljQEP1SOICiM_aPHxuelTeRd9VPXm0tw5KUKyWHq1t-03-_Aw9jhc3Tnt_Px6d5Up6FKKU/s1600/13391398_10205358815083443_1857417066934876293_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi49nyU_sRBabaYeNrqsLRsBQUCszeIDZpmTYpcGqavYMzOfMmJO3BhSU_kbGWpae3NreNHAljQEP1SOICiM_aPHxuelTeRd9VPXm0tw5KUKyWHq1t-03-_Aw9jhc3Tnt_Px6d5Up6FKKU/s320/13391398_10205358815083443_1857417066934876293_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Furry boot socks with a bonus mogwai tattoo.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="http://favoritememes.com/_nw/45/61890799.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://favoritememes.com/_nw/45/61890799.jpg" height="320" width="237" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbMrZdcT_gYl2SqpYV3IfvGBTVhY0wI-QKPaB7cR7YTnlt7YX0Lqlv_EHL3JFfvRAYo-WXBXSY0nbJcWOexbaj0UJ8xYn_zCFO6NYbBjOwi7N_HHjH1tf9FaaMzGu1p_3QLr11iKzjL4E/s1600/IMG_8722.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbMrZdcT_gYl2SqpYV3IfvGBTVhY0wI-QKPaB7cR7YTnlt7YX0Lqlv_EHL3JFfvRAYo-WXBXSY0nbJcWOexbaj0UJ8xYn_zCFO6NYbBjOwi7N_HHjH1tf9FaaMzGu1p_3QLr11iKzjL4E/s320/IMG_8722.JPG" width="274" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Over 30 and loving the boots.<br />
Those leggings are pretty rad too.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>Mismatched Socks</b><br />
<br />
Wait, you get a pass on mismatched socks before 30?<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieJCFRWtO73m-fKWou62J9P3PJIctLEcir_P3FUb3n6L11KQGRtAlVxxcsE6uHe3mk2Q-3ycboaKbA1RKmEJQpq7qUEe-K8TZqJCw7pOubTvfBlcJGuXnfALsVRf2V-2LDQwy15cwlFWY/s1600/IMG_8655.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieJCFRWtO73m-fKWou62J9P3PJIctLEcir_P3FUb3n6L11KQGRtAlVxxcsE6uHe3mk2Q-3ycboaKbA1RKmEJQpq7qUEe-K8TZqJCw7pOubTvfBlcJGuXnfALsVRf2V-2LDQwy15cwlFWY/s320/IMG_8655.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<b>Platform Flip-Flops</b><br />
<br />
Just in case you haven't had enough of feet yet, here are some platform flip-flops. You don't stop needing lift when you turn 30 and you certainly don't stop needing flip-flops, so I'm failing to understand the logic in banning these, but whatever.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ttdl9l6xDEu-y9N6GGftgYfe1cwBl661fzIoie7HOFzw-Y3ISbMTapFFzFWH_wp4gI5XIxGFDZ4C3X0CCPI3lH1Ua8tb7Sc_SuIXKwUBjh9D-paeiVVOpzj4iStDA2jvHttd9ov3C-I/s1600/IMG_8717.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ttdl9l6xDEu-y9N6GGftgYfe1cwBl661fzIoie7HOFzw-Y3ISbMTapFFzFWH_wp4gI5XIxGFDZ4C3X0CCPI3lH1Ua8tb7Sc_SuIXKwUBjh9D-paeiVVOpzj4iStDA2jvHttd9ov3C-I/s320/IMG_8717.JPG" width="217" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Check out the bonus kitty head!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
<b>Glitter Eye Shadow</b><br />
<br />
What is it with this lady trying to suffocate my face paint game? Sadly, I don't own super glittery eye shadow. I have shimmery shadows, but they won't show up in a picture. Lucky for you, I have a killer glitter eyeliner that you probably already spotted in my blue eye shadow post. Here's a bonus for you.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ7pqeyxvq0rYPIoadiXQxnPHEb7ISbbvfwX8Y8vdnRlqPFepeDHiC0Vlzt06XrUpian6R90qT2TN3ADnUFdQpqwqTR0NDUH05eWKdB8AAkIZQ3wMWz6fdJvFNNnOkOGg5dspmED1khY0/s1600/IMG_8666.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ7pqeyxvq0rYPIoadiXQxnPHEb7ISbbvfwX8Y8vdnRlqPFepeDHiC0Vlzt06XrUpian6R90qT2TN3ADnUFdQpqwqTR0NDUH05eWKdB8AAkIZQ3wMWz6fdJvFNNnOkOGg5dspmED1khY0/s320/IMG_8666.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Every time I come around yo city . . . </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/eSjmuv0wMC9r2/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/eSjmuv0wMC9r2/giphy.gif" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>Graphic T-Shirts</b><br />
<br />
Oh, come on. A yoga T-shirt that says Namaste with a pretty lotus flower on it is technically a graphic T-shirt. Do you see women under 30 wearing those? As a retail writer, I write countless descriptions of graphic shirts aimed at the over 30 crowd on a weekly basis. I'm going to go with the type this gal was probably banning and say you'll pull my graphic tees out of my cold, dead hands.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8sDHbkf2ipLcLvE2AYZlHJFrlk6UjWfbD9p0RfPhJkFizd3rBuc8VJLF3gtFnFkGYVqCFJ6c5ZRDvXcCj-VJxMDzDDv74Y4oWQFYjBH_JmEMCRAoyvWVQAlEwJqg2ITTpUx50t9y3eKE/s1600/IMG_8640.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8sDHbkf2ipLcLvE2AYZlHJFrlk6UjWfbD9p0RfPhJkFizd3rBuc8VJLF3gtFnFkGYVqCFJ6c5ZRDvXcCj-VJxMDzDDv74Y4oWQFYjBH_JmEMCRAoyvWVQAlEwJqg2ITTpUx50t9y3eKE/s320/IMG_8640.JPG" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You know nothing . . .<br />
about fashion.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Cheap Bras & Overalls</b><br />
<br />
In the original *cough* article, cheap bras and overalls were two separate items. My BFF decided to go one step further and just combine them for a double whammy of "in your face, I do what I want." Forgive the selfie arm. She doesn't have a cameraman (husband) like I do. Plus, she's over 30, so she doesn't have a selfie stick . . . yet.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6DEK0qdJkf9IxEjQailE5CSzn58CeYDzGhqxa_QMqtIK68-Voo6sFVwC4jcreZh0IFLbIrKI-yODdgJYiheklJDl8Uy4a8yPXPyxAfqtLFOP3f9BZtxsblVi5UGbRCliEaMvZhKka6sA/s1600/IMG_8684.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6DEK0qdJkf9IxEjQailE5CSzn58CeYDzGhqxa_QMqtIK68-Voo6sFVwC4jcreZh0IFLbIrKI-yODdgJYiheklJDl8Uy4a8yPXPyxAfqtLFOP3f9BZtxsblVi5UGbRCliEaMvZhKka6sA/s320/IMG_8684.JPG" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Go go gadget bra!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Anything By Victoria Secret PINK & Booty Shorts</b><br />
<br />
I'm going to start by saying I was wearing a PINK bra this entire time. What?! I know. Shame on my 33-year-old boobs. Since I'm not going to post a picture of my VS bra, I'll do you one better with my PINK yoga shorts. They have an incredibly durable and comfortable line of yoga wear. I recommend it to anyone who likes being comfortable. Also, I read that old women like me aren't supposed to wear booty shorts. These are the closest things to booty shorts I own, so this is what you get, but seriously, if I had the body for it and an occasion for the kind of booty shorts that really show some bum, I'd wear them. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8fOx64RCW58uwEhqTEvzVs0qsrV6_yLArIxc5miA6P5D46OblTXKkGEVrwbZ4qBB01KaULa6VbLNi14W-H-LtDhY6E-PhWdxdea0MZqivnIesvo67KotWY-cIQuTkr-nUUI651_O79Vw/s1600/IMG_8661.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8fOx64RCW58uwEhqTEvzVs0qsrV6_yLArIxc5miA6P5D46OblTXKkGEVrwbZ4qBB01KaULa6VbLNi14W-H-LtDhY6E-PhWdxdea0MZqivnIesvo67KotWY-cIQuTkr-nUUI651_O79Vw/s320/IMG_8661.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bra straps are a bonus.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<b>Oversized Sunglasses</b><br />
<br />
This classic style does not go away with age. In fact, nothing is more adorable than a quirky old lady wearing big sunglasses. Since I don't have one handy, I'll do you one better with my super-stylish little sister rocking her big ass shades at Orchard House reading Louisa May Alcott's <i>Little Women</i>.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSuONK8-5ctGV_qlHTRtSKuGaw7WmU52_mWlOaaT8iMOFzKQN5dRF6Z0lXKMjYUFxeqYoLh32uCCzNGeSQvAnmBK1jIHjWQXIde6KoN9CZLp8-0Dzzja0_LrMq62okBUNN1QsVAQpidR8/s1600/IMG_8676.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSuONK8-5ctGV_qlHTRtSKuGaw7WmU52_mWlOaaT8iMOFzKQN5dRF6Z0lXKMjYUFxeqYoLh32uCCzNGeSQvAnmBK1jIHjWQXIde6KoN9CZLp8-0Dzzja0_LrMq62okBUNN1QsVAQpidR8/s320/IMG_8676.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zoom in. I promise they're huge. <br />
She owns that look. Every. Day.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Tube Tops</b><br />
<br />
I don't own a tube top. Frankly, my mamas are not going to stay put in one of those things in public. However, I do own a bandeau, which is just a more cropped version, for doing yoga and wearing under strapless clothes. I'm not super comfortable posting pictures of myself in it online, but I'm trying to tell you all that you can do whatever you want when you're in your 30s, and I want to create this blog post, so here I am. I'm practicing my handstands in this photo. I love my husband for his willingness to photograph me whenever I ask.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC3kS8cP6sSmpjFsXspXNHIt485kBFh7OHRjcUxt77de-00rMyFeeJJVxdaKd7Br-pVdG8IYHuA-O7xZM2BhghmEYH5VkWMviomNPjXYXJKObc4lCD7gwo2vIjgZcDlIrP6N73jiyO3ew/s1600/IMG_8712.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC3kS8cP6sSmpjFsXspXNHIt485kBFh7OHRjcUxt77de-00rMyFeeJJVxdaKd7Br-pVdG8IYHuA-O7xZM2BhghmEYH5VkWMviomNPjXYXJKObc4lCD7gwo2vIjgZcDlIrP6N73jiyO3ew/s320/IMG_8712.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I always notice the floor needs<br />
cleaning when I'm upside down.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://showmecrossfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/59065432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://showmecrossfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/59065432.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>Anything From Abercrombie & Fitch</b><br />
<br />
Abercrombie is not exactly Justice. It does have grownup sizes. I personally don't shop there, but I've occasionally inherited a hoodie or T-shirt from the place over the years. I've had no qualms about wearing them. Here's a photo of my cousin in A&F. Is A&F a used abbreviation for this place? It is now because I'm not typing that name again.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0diKKpQgPVPl0YDr4-Uoo97MV-a7A-9P9GCSZ89YdXsxYXbNH4txpNNNkqf43JBkkT_5jM3lez9ReQ3JpnMmP8bRzNrnx1NBRrX-5dWxZgo2y1we0VYubtohupspjJB8o0KFfoWOuhzM/s1600/IMG_8718.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0diKKpQgPVPl0YDr4-Uoo97MV-a7A-9P9GCSZ89YdXsxYXbNH4txpNNNkqf43JBkkT_5jM3lez9ReQ3JpnMmP8bRzNrnx1NBRrX-5dWxZgo2y1we0VYubtohupspjJB8o0KFfoWOuhzM/s320/IMG_8718.JPG" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can't tell if she's excited<br />
to help me out or making fun of me.<br />
<3</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>American Eagle Jeans</b><br />
<br />
From what I've heard, American Eagle jeans fit amazingly well. I see no reason to stop getting the fit you want once you've been alive for three decades. Screw that noise. Here is another of my oldest friends working hard in her kitchen wearing American Eagle jeans that make her butt look great.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwG9du02_9SnGCM_6unPFhs3rRUSDaoPkVnLpjm_11EGLPnV6Iw95UK-0GAw_1R3l89s6jBLOXVUUzNAwujackpMbWxNtKNhMd0ln88jHEiT0m_kHxQjjRTre7kFiy5uiPUmt1XpBC8do/s1600/13412928_10206912853403411_8544579006276868638_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwG9du02_9SnGCM_6unPFhs3rRUSDaoPkVnLpjm_11EGLPnV6Iw95UK-0GAw_1R3l89s6jBLOXVUUzNAwujackpMbWxNtKNhMd0ln88jHEiT0m_kHxQjjRTre7kFiy5uiPUmt1XpBC8do/s320/13412928_10206912853403411_8544579006276868638_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is that a purple chef coat? Fuck yeah.</td></tr>
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<b>Sparkly Pants </b><br />
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I discovered something about sparkly pants that may explain why woman over 30 don't really wear them. It's because it is really hard to find a pair of sparkly pants for adult women that isn't cheap-ass club gear or overpriced designer wear that most women don't want to waste their money on. The good news is, there are plenty of sparkly pants for the 10 and under crowd.<br />
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I wasn't going to leave you hanging, so I give you Kate Hudson in a freaking sequined jumpsuit.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/4b3uoi-l-610x610-jumpsuit-kate+hudson-red-sequins-red+carpet-plunge+v+neck-pants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/4b3uoi-l-610x610-jumpsuit-kate+hudson-red-sequins-red+carpet-plunge+v+neck-pants.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nailed it.</td></tr>
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In the end, no one I love cares what I wear. Who am I supposed to be impressing here? Am I supposed to limit my wardrobe because some pseudo fashion blogger with a judgmental streak told me to? I don't buy it, Provencher. You whipped up some clickbait and it maybe made you a little dough, but you didn't change anyone's mind about what they're going to wear.Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-56144366554611843422016-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:002016-05-31T08:10:01.001-07:00My Favorite Blogs By People With Mental IllnessesI want to start this post by saying that I know a ton of us are bloggers. By "us" I mean people who have mental illnesses. Therefore, I know that there are a ton of blogs I don't know about or that just didn't pop into my chaotic mind while I wrote this post. Don't take it to mean I don't love your blog or couldn't love your blog. I'm sure I'll write another post just like this later and add more blogs to it. For now, these will have to do. I hope that you enjoy them as much as I do.<br />
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<a href="http://rubyetc.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Ruby</a><br />
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Do Tumblr accounts count as blogs? I'm not sure. I don't tumble, but Ruby does, and it looks like a blog to me, so I'm adding it. I'm not sure what Ruby is really like, but I picture her as young, as in younger than me, and kind of finding herself through irreverent drawings and posts about things like armpit sweat and mental health stigma. She's a clever girl, not a velociraptor. I also follow her on <a href="https://twitter.com/rubyetc" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, if Tumblr's not your thing. I don't blame you if it isn't. <br />
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<a href="http://thebloggess.com/" target="_blank">The Bloggess </a><br />
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The Bloggess is a gem I recently discovered with the help of a fellow ball of anxiety I met on Twitter. She's a sweetie who recommended a book by The Bloggess (real name Jenny Lawson) titled <i>Furiously Happy</i>. She even tried to help me win the book on a little Twitter giveaway Lawson had. It didn't work, but I bought the book anyway. I loved the book, and have since come to love the blog. Mrs. Bloggess has a lot of issues with undefined borders, so most of us will relate to her kind of manic, anxious depression, but hopefully find solace in her sense of humor and innate optimism. Follow her on <a href="https://twitter.com/TheBloggess?ref_src=twsrc^google|twcamp^serp|twgr^author" target="_blank">Twitter</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thebloggess/?hl=en" target="_blank">Instagram</a> for extra funnies.<br />
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<a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hyperbole and a Half</a><br />
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I can't say enough of about artist and blogger Allie Brosh, and neither can the rest of the Internet. This sensational talent and relatable human is the mastermind behind Hyperbole and a Half. Brosh doesn't post much, as she is busy recovering or trying to recover or being recovered from depression. However, what she does post is brilliant and funny. Her posts on depression are extraordinarily popular because of how accurately they describe what depression feels like, but with added humor so it doesn't alienate readers. Brosh doesn't post often on social media, but you can sometimes find her at events. She may also have a second book out at the end of 2016. Keep an eye out for it.<br />
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I've gotten annoyed and am going to end my post here. As I was writing, I realized that all of my favorite mental health bloggers are women. So, I went on a search for men's mental health bloggers. I wasn't looking for information-soaked websites. I was looking for honest, daily life blogs about mental health written by men. I didn't find any that stacked up to the three listed here. Maybe that's because I like my blogs to be funny and entertaining as well as informative, and the ones I found tended to be more information. I don't know, but I felt bad that I didn't have any men, so here I am. The worst part is that I know I've seen some great ones and can't flupping find them! If you know of any great blogs written by men with mental illness, please share below!Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-30464331116776140422016-05-17T09:18:00.001-07:002016-05-17T09:18:28.397-07:00I Neglect My Friends<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is my best friend<br />I don't neglect her. I should though.<br /> </td></tr>
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With few exceptions, I am a very neglectful <a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2015/04/14-things-your-friends-with-anxiety-want-you-to-know/" target="_blank">friend</a> when it comes to my presence. Sure, I send congratulations when due. I send out Christmas cards. I frequently comment on social media posts. I'm truly interested in what my pals are up to. I just don't hang out with them in person very often. Like, maybe once a year. I know. It's neglectful, but I have my reasons.<br />
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I'm painfully aware of the kind of person I used to be. I have the same personality as that person, but much less adventurous spirit. I used to spend all of my money on trips, parties, concerts and random cool crap I liked. I was down to hang out with my buddies any time we could all get together. They're fun and funny people, so why not? When they would say, "Hey, let's go do this thing." I would say yes, rarely with any hesitation. It always landed in me in the presence of warm, sarcastic, loud, funny people. Of course, I want to go.<br />
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Now, I can't say yes. Now, I'm rarely comfortable in groups. Now, if I haven't seen someone in a while, I am instantly anxious at the thought of seeing them. Not because they make me nervous, but because it's <i>different</i>. When my routine changes too much, I sometimes get physically ill. What's worse, I feel horribly guilty when I flake. Part of me feels like people can't possibly want to hang out with the nervous nutcase. Another part of me realizes that I'm actually disappointing people when I'm not around. Either way, you can't really win. You're just anxious.<br />
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Here's the thing, though. Anxiety is my companion whether I avoid things or not. I'm anxious even when I have routine, though it's not as pronounced, and the possibility of freaking out in front of people who barely see you anymore is eliminated when I stay home. The fact that I've never actually "freaked out" is beside the point. No one even notices I have anxiety, but I'm afraid they will, and then I'll have to talk about it. I'll have to tell them, and they'll assume I'm crazy, faking, dramatic, etc. Mental illness is so often misunderstood by the world, and the last people I want to misunderstand me are people I love. So, I neglect them instead. Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451442237937200302.post-70319838319552210342016-05-11T08:45:00.001-07:002016-05-11T08:45:28.126-07:00Hello Me, It's Nice Talking To Myself<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c4/Cute_Piglet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c4/Cute_Piglet.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here, have a photo<br />of a cute piglet.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I've been feeling a lot better lately. I've been having fewer <a href="http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/panic-disorder-agoraphobia/symptoms" target="_blank">panic attacks</a>, less negative internal dialogue and more productivity. Today, not so much on the first two. I've felt on the verge of a panic attack for a few hours, and my brain will not shut the fruck up. That's what I'm here to talk about today, since I need something to distract me from having a brain that talks a lot.<br />
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Sometimes, it feels like my mind gets caught in a negative feedback loop. I'm sure other people with OCD can understand. I have to argue with it all day about things like whether I'm going to spontaneously lose all my money, my husband's love or my health. I have to tell it that I'm just sweating from cleaning, not about to have another nervous breakdown. I have to say, "So what if you feel like you might cry or puke? What's the big deal?" I know these things pass, as do the thoughts. I just wish rational self talk had an impact on the flood of emotions that come when you have a panic disorder.<br />
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A funny little thing about negative self talk is that sometimes it hones in on stuff that is either way too far in the future to contemplate now or that you don't even really care about. For example, my anxiety thinks we care about what other people think of us. When I'm not anxious, I'm solidly healthy about that. When I am anxious, I get neurotic about how people feel about me. I don't like people talking about me when I'm not around. Sometimes, I don't even like people wanting me around. I'm all like, "What is your motivation for wanting to be around me, weirdo?"<br />
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When I'm stuck in that loop, there is really nothing for it but distraction. I know that distraction is not encouraged for people with OCD, but I also have panic disorder. I have full-blown panic attacks when I obsess. I can't always deal with that sh*t in the here and now. Writing a blog post, watching TV, reading a book, etc. can help pull me out of my thoughts and into a place where I am better equipped to take on therapy. Feel free to let me know your tricks for shutting up the imp of your mind in the comments section below. <br />
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<i>*Title is a bastardization of lyrics from Megadeth's "Sweating Bullets." </i>Shelberiushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16651021890587906428noreply@blogger.com0