Some Thoughts on Suicide and Suicide Prevention While the World is in Isolation

"No Escape" by Judith Carlin

It's been a long while since I've posted. It's a great time to dust off this blog and apologize to my readers for my absence. Me culpa.

I'm writing this in May of 2020, a time of unprecedented social isolation. People the world over are staying home, missing work and doing their very best to stop the spread of Covid-19, a deadly virus that is causing a global pandemic. The vast majority of us are safe from disastrous infections, but we're not wrong to be scared. We're not wrong to isolate and distance ourselves from others to protect loved ones and ourselves. However, it's doing a number on our mental health.

The extent of psychological symptoms caused by widespread isolation due to the current pandemic is unclear. We'll probably never know how many people have suffered and how. Nonetheless, I know personally that it's difficult at best to isolate when you have existing mental health conditions, so I know it's the same for many of you. My hope is that you're all coping well, using helpful skills and socializing from a distance to keep in practice. I know that even at the best of times, though, some of us are not coping well. Some of us, especially when we're isolated, think about committing or even plan to commit suicide. Please don't.

I know this is a cliché. I'm going to say it anyway: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This is 100% true. Every. Single. Time. Unless you die some other way before you see your way out of the darkness, the state you are in will not last the rest of your life. So, don't burn down the whole forest to get rid of the poison ivy.

I'm here to tell you my cure for suicidal ideation, at least the thing that's worked best for me. It's not necessarily a permanent solution, and it is definitely bitter medicine, but it works. The way to see an end to your suffering without an end to your life is to wait. Just wait. Time is my cure.

Now, before you cuss me out, let me explain myself. I know how hard it is to endure the pain that brings you to want to kill yourself. I'm intimately familiar with that pain. I don't know any way to immediately ease that suffering. I'm sorry for that, but I do know it will stop if you wait long enough. Now, you may have to wait with a pal who watches over you or get a lot of help learning to live with your emotions while you wait, but the point is that you will endure. You only have to exist for now. You don't have to live your best life or any of that bullshit. You just have to be here now.

When we contemplate suicide, we often make the mistake of thinking we have a dire choice. We can either live like this for however long our painful life lasts or we can end it all now. That's not correct at all. The choice is between nothing and a life with some pain in it. Everyone's life has pain in it. It has other stuff too, like humor, love, kindness, thrills, entertainment, nature, animals, and so much more, I could never list it all. For me, missing all of that isn't worth giving in to the pain. I know sometimes it feels like none of the good things are in store for you, but they are. It also seems like you can never enjoy anything again, but you can. All you have to do is wait. I sincerely and wholeheartedly promise.

If you are suffering with suicidal thoughts or plan to commit suicide, stop. Go to Google. Type in any phrase with the term suicide. Google will kick back a help line for your area. Use it. Tell your family. Tell your friends. Tell your co-workers. I know you're afraid of being judged, but being judged is better than not having a chance. There will be people who don't understand. If they can't be taught to understand, fuck them. They're the problem, not you and your mental health. You can get better. They'll still be shitty. Reach out until someone reaches back and grabs your hand. Hold on tight and just live your life one breath at a time until the breathing gets easier. There's a world full of people, the vast majority of whom have had mental issues at some point in their lives. We're all just trying the best we can. That's all you have to do.

Best wishes and a big socially distant hug from me.

Suicide is Selfish . . . and Other Lies About Mental Illness

I'm going to start this off with a rare disclaimer. While I'm saying a lot of things people think about suicide and mental illness aren't true, I'm not saying the opposite of what they think. When I say suicide isn't selfish, that doesn't mean I think it's selfless. I think it's a horrible thing that people do sometimes because they can't figure out another option. I want those people to get help, first and foremost. If you're contemplating suicide and you're in the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255. If you're outside of the U.S., just type suicide into Google. The first result will be a help line near you. Please use it.

Now for your irregularly scheduled post. People with mental illness get bombarded with misinformation constantly. I'm sure it's true for patients with any kind of illness really. The cancer patient whose friend on facebook says drinking holy water cured her neighbor's mother-in-law. The fibromyalgia patient who hears it's all in her head. We're all in the same boat. Everyone has a damn opinion, usually accompanied by some lame attempt at credibility, such as my "my mom has depression, so it's impossible for me to be insensitive about your bipolar disorder." So, what are the more common misconceptions I hear about mental illness and what do I think of them? If that sort of thing interests you, read on.

Suicide is Selfish

This one is so common that I hear it my regular life, not just in the wilds of the Internet. I hear that it's selfish because it hurts the people who are left behind. I hear it's weak because the person just didn't snap out of it and keep fighting. These people 110% do not understand clinical suicidality. They may have lost a loved one and thought, "I just want to die." They may have even passingly considered suicide at one point or another as a way to escape their problems. It's easy to see why they think it's selfish because their feelings on it have always been that way. Let's explore why it isn't.

Depression, anxiety and hallucinations are examples of some of the mental pain that can lead to suicidality. When felt at the more extreme end of the spectrum, these symptoms/conditions are all-consuming. They can convince you that you're useless. They can convince you that you are a burden on your family. They can convince you that you will never contribute to society, you are dangerous, you are in danger and that the world is better if you are dead. They can cause tremendous anguish in the sufferer. People who are suicidal often think about it as an option because they think it will be better for others. What's selfish about that? Sure, they're wrong, and even if their illness makes them a little needier, it doesn't matter. Being wrong does not a selfish act make, so why not leave these poor folks to rest? If suicide really bothers you, maybe don't waste time calling it selfish and spend that time showing someone their value.

Nature, Talking to a Friend, Etc. is Better Than Medicine

I see these memes all the time online. They'll have pictures of a puppy and say "the only therapy I need" or show a forest and read "medicine is bullsh*t, doctors should prescribe a hike." There are so many of these I've lost track. Listen, we all know that the happy things in life are good for people with mental illness. They're good for all of us. That doesn't mean they can replace medication. Medication can save people's lives. This kind of misinformation backed up with a dismissive "it's what works for me" only proves that these people aren't mentally ill. They're just people having people problems. That's fine. Go for a walk. I'll be over here taking my prescribed medications so that I can also go for a walk.

Mental Illness Means You're Weak

Oh, please. Tell that to soldiers with PTSD. Tell that to people who've survived sexual trauma more times than they can remember. Tell that to the guy managing to take care of his family in spite of voices he hears telling him lies about himself and others. Tell that to the girl having a panic attack in a class and finishing anyway. People with mental illness are not more strong or weak than anyone else. They have to deal with more emotionally, but there are the weak and the strong among us just as there are among any other demographic. We're all just humans and mental illness can happen to any of us.

People With Mental Illness are Violent

This myth is particularly damaging to people with mental illness. I'm not going to argue that there aren't volatile individuals among us. I won't argue that sometimes an agitated sufferer can act out. However, I will argue that mentally ill people aren't the cause of gun violence in America. Mentally ill people don't even make up the majority of gun violence perpetrators. Numbers seem to point to mentally ill individuals being more likely to be victims of violent crimes than perpetrators. As for myself, it would take a lot to get me to do something violent. I'm terrified of even accidentally hurting someone, let alone doing it on purpose.

Mental Disorders Aren't Medical Conditions

Thanks to Scientology, anti-pharm and armchair doctors across the world, there is a common misconception that mental disorders aren't the same as medical conditions. Thanks for that one, guys. That's why you can't get decent help in an ER for a psych crisis. Your brain is part of your body. I'm not sure if they've noticed that yet, but yeah. It's not separate. It's an organ inside of your body. If it malfunctions, you have a medical condition. It's only differentiated inasmuch as a heart doctor is for your heart. A mental health professional is for your brain and may be part of a patient's support team that includes a neurologist.

I get that a lot of misunderstandings come from personal experience with a few mentally ill individuals or simply from ignorance. Just try to remember that anecdotes aren't evidence and what a person does to treat their condition is none of your business. We're all just trying to feel better.

Why It is Hard to Function Normally With Depression

Depression can hit any time, anywhere
Photo by Sander van der wel

Depression is an illness that causes one to become moody, sad, tired, confused, lonely, angry, helpless, suicidal or any number of other symptoms that interfere with daily life. It can range from mild to severe, but can make functioning difficult for sufferers on any part of the spectrum. Nearly every symptom of depression has the potential to interfere with one's functionality in some way.

One of the most obvious and common symptoms of depression is sadness. This sadness can manifest itself as suicidal thoughts, sudden crying fits, unwillingness to participate in enjoyable activities and so on. This can make it difficult to function normally because it takes the joy out of accomplishing goals and spending time with loved ones. When there is no joy in life, there is no will to do things that one should be doing, like chores, work and maintaining relationships. If the sadness manifests as suicidality, it makes it even more difficult to function normally. Who would be motivated to live their day-to-day life when they have been thinking of ending it?

Another symptom of depression is feeling tired, unmotivated and even achy. It is almost like being sick without the runny nose, cough and fever. This makes it hard to get out of bed, let alone work, go to school, care for children, etc. Functioning normally with a constant feeling of malaise is an epic task. You almost literally have to drag yourself out of bed. Unfortunately, this does not only make it hard to function normally, it makes it hard to get treatment. Some depression sufferers lack the stamina to focus on therapy and other treatment options.

Depression can make it difficult to concentrate, thus interfering with a huge amount of tasks. Tasks like grocery shopping can become monumental. You may not be able to remember what you came to purchase at the store. You may have a hard time staying at the store because you cannot stop thinking about your depression and the symptoms you are battling. Tasks like remembering to pay bills or even working may fall by the wayside as depression takes over your mind. Many people who suffer from depression need help financially because they are so distracted.

Just the act of suffering from depression is enough to make it difficult to function normally. The only way to combat this is to seek treatment for depression and its symptoms. Make a decision to fight depression and continue with your life as usual. Do not let your depression keep you in bed and definitely do not keep it bottled up. If you feel suicidal, reach out to a loved one or a health care professional immediately. Better days are ahead, you just have to hold on long enough to get there.