Let's Talk About Stigma

OCD is one of the Internet's favorite mental disorders. It's talked about a lot, whether by mental health professionals and sufferers or the rest of humanity. Like all mental disorders, there is a certain amount of stigma surrounding obsessive-compulsive disorder. You find it at home, in public and on the Internet. There's no escaping it, so I thought it prudent to chat about the types of stigma I seem to see and hear a lot in my life as it pertains to this disorder.

OCD Memes With Things Out of Order

You couldn't handle an OCD nightmare.

You've seen it–the tile slightly out of line with the surrounding tiles and some misinformed quote about it being your friend with OCD's worst nightmare. Guess what? It's not. Her worst nightmare is that someone she loves or a stranger is mangled or dies and it is somehow her fault (or one of other similar themes). She may or may not cope with that fear by keeping things tidy as a form of "magical thinking" that if she fixes the tile, her family is safe, but she doesn't give a shit about the tile. You see what I'm saying? The only thing that bothers us about those photos is that people might start thinking we'd be okay if only the tiles were in a straight line.

Self-Diagnosing

I connect with a lot of people who have OCD. It really makes me feel less isolated, and I hope my presence does the same for them.  A lot of my connections post about how annoying it is to see the "I am so OCD" posts from people who like things orderly or hate sticky stuff on their hands. OCD and other anxiety disorders are often thought of as abnormal reactions to normal situations. Washing your hands because they've got gross on 'em is a normal reaction to a normal situation. Washing your bleeding, raw and cracked hands because you haven't done it 150 times yet today is an abnormal reaction. When you compare your normal behavior to our abnormal behavior, you minimize the effect OCD has on us. People think of it as a first-world problem instead of a mental disorder.

Ignoring the Thought Part of the Disorder

Some of us who have OCD exhibit unusual behaviors like counting our steps, opening and closing doors a certain number of times, engaging in excessive grooming, etc. That is just a result of the main part of the disorder-disturbing thoughts. No matter what sub type of OCD a person has, he has intrusive thoughts that cause great distress. When people boil OCD down to just behaviors, they ignore that OCD has an even darker side, which lends to the stigma because people think we "just" do this or that.

To be fair, most of the folks who perpetuate the stigma do so without intention. They're just making a joke, and I'm the first to admit OCD can be hilarious. That said, you can joke about it while accurately portraying its challenges. You definitely don't have to claim you have OCD to talk about your quirks, either.

Let's Talk About Validation or V is for Validation

Fantastic art from
Healthyplace.com

Are you mentally ill and feel like your problems are not valid? Does it seem like your feelings are brushed off because you have "issues?" Are you struggling to prove that you are not over-sensitive or a "faker?" Are you reading this in the voice of a late-night infomercial narrator? If so, you're not alone.

Feeling like your complaints are not valid is common for the mentally ill. Society has this idea that emotions are things we should be able to control; if you can't, you're weak, not sick. There are people who think their feelings feel the same way your mental illness does. They think the only difference is how you handle it. They're wrong, but that doesn't stop this misconception from bleeding into your psyche and making you feel like less of a person. Fuck that. You probably spend enough time making yourself feel invalidated without dealing with the opinions of the uninitiated. 

Here's what got me thinking about feeling validated in terms of mental illness. I'm a mental checker. It's my main compulsion. I have a habit of checking to see if I'm "really" ill, and of doubting my findings. I think I'm faking, and when everyone else notices, they'll abandon me. I am worried about that because I am sick. I not only need a support system in my life to function, but I also have symptoms that are out of my control. No, these symptoms aren't average emotions. They are malfunctions of the body/mind. I wonder if everyone who makes themselves feel invalidated knows that.

When a person thinks about mental illness, they may imagine people sobbing, acting out and otherwise behaving oddly. I think that's part of why some people think the mentally ill are just acting like dicks. Some of us do behave oddly, but that's all tangled up in what's going on in our bodies, which includes our brains. The rush of symptoms related to mental illness is wildly different from average emotions. In short sad =/= depressed. Anxious =/= stressed. Energetic =/= bipolar. Getting angry =/= mood swing. You might feel little onslaughts of emotion that give you a taste of what anxiety, depression, etc. are like, but until those things come on for no reason and last longer than they should, you do not have a disorder. So, don't invalidate a mentally ill person because you can handle traffic and therefore think they should be able to handle panic disorder. It's not the same. If it were, my life would be very different. I know, because I've been mentally healthy most of my life.

I'm not a scientist. I can't tell you all of the intricacies of the brain that add up to mental illness. However, I can point you to a relatively simple explanation of how the brain works. In case you don't want to go here to read about it, I'll try to sum it up briefly. There are chemicals and communications made by and within the brain that affect our behavior and emotions. Like any other function of the body, these can go ass over teakettle. When they don't work properly, you get mental illnesses. 

I don't think people will stop invalidating the mentally ill anymore than they'll stop calling people with other illnesses fakers when they feel like. I also don't think the mentally ill are going to stop invalidating themselves. They grew up in a society that told them they're sensitive crybabies. However, that doesn't change the facts, and I hope those facts will eventually sink in to society as a whole. With so many people suffering from mental illness, it's a wonder empathy hasn't caught on.

Challenging Misconceptions About Mental Illness

We are often presented with societal perceptions of mental illness, whether we are mentally ill or not. Everyone has an opinion and a right to it, but some of the things you commonly hear about mental illness are wildly untrue. I'm not sure where they come from, but I suspect some of these myths stem from the idea that every person with mental illness has the same life/motives and others come from people who like to malign each other using mental illnesses as a weapon. It doesn't matter. What matters is that blanket statements don't work in psychology.

Before I jump in, I'm going to say that most of the challenges I am going to present are based on my own experiences. Mind you, I have a lot more experience with mental illness than your average Joe, but I still thought it pertinent to add that little caveat.

1. It must be nice not to have to work.

Firstly, most mentally ill people are not disabled. Secondly, those who are usually have a genuine disability. Like other illnesses, mental illness has an array of severity, and people cope with it differently. For example, one person with arthritis may be able to hold a steady job with the right medication. Another person may have a debilitating case of the disease, making it impossible to work. This applies to mental illness. Moreover, some of us adapt to our conditions in a way that allows us to earn a living and technically disabled at the same time.

Let's talk a bit about people who can't work and thus have to stay home.  Yes, there are people who milk the system. Again, this is true for other illnesses too. However, those who are genuinely ill would typically trade their condition for the ability to work without question. They don't want to be sick. They want to feel well enough to function, but they can't. Would you hire someone who shook uncontrollably and threw up when every they were anxious, which is sometimes several times a day? I doubt it. This is just one of the many examples of what keeps disabled mentally ill folks from working.

2. They do it for attention.

I'm trying to keep this blog PG-13, so I won't say what I really feel about this misconception, but let's say I don't like it. Some people like attention, sure. There is no question. These people typically pursue work that allows them to get the attention they want. Some of them develop conditions that cause them to behave abnormally for attention. These are mental conditions all on their own. It is not a feature of every mental illness. In fact, a great number of people with disorders like anxiety and depression hate attention. Furthermore, I don't get much attention for being mentally ill. I would get much more doing something like taking nude selfies or singing loudly in a shopping mall. It's not the best way to go about getting attention is all I'm saying.

3. Failed suicide attempts are a cry for help.

So, I'm not going to completely challenge this one. I am going to ask question. Does it matter? If you need help so bad that you would risk your life to get it, you need help. Period. Scoffing at a suicide attempt as a cry for help is contemptible. Do you do the same thing when someone literally cries for help? "Oh, that person's just yelling fire. They can still yell, so they clearly haven't burned to death yet, so just ignore them." Sounds sh*tty, doesn't it?

On the other hand, I'm going to point out that a lot of suicide attempts don't fail because they were designed to do so. There are some very serious suicide attempts that simply don't work. Why it would matter if they were serious attempts or a person crying out for help, I don't know. The reaction, in my opinion, should be the same. Compassion is the only response that I find appropriate. Sure, it's okay to feel anger at a loved one. It's okay to feel betrayed or really any other feeling that pops up, but feelings aren't actions. Maybe it's time we act like we take suicide seriously, and not as a cry for help or . . .

4. Suicide is selfish.

No. Just no. A lot of people who commit suicide (of course, I don't know the numbers) do it with the belief that they are making the world a better place. Also, people with severe depression can live in unbearable pain. It's not like being sad at all, so it isn't fair to expect a person to be able to deal with it the way you deal with everyday sadness/grief. These are not people who are only thinking of themselves. They are thinking of what use they are or what hope they have to be a functional person in this world and are coming up with nothing. (Note: Your brain LIES. Just because you can't think of a use for you or find hope does NOT mean there isn't any. Please see the resources section and seek help if you are suicidal.)

There are many more myths to be challenged. If you can think of one you would like to share, please feel free to comment below.

Why You Shouldn't Be Embarrassed About Going To Therapy

Let's cut right through the poetic language here and nail down the point. Having a mental illness sucks. The symptoms you get can be frightening. What's worse, they can impact your life in profound ways. When you find yourself in the position of having compromised mental health, you have a choice. You can try to do something about it or you can let it get worse. However, doing something about it means admitting there is something wrong and allowing other people in on your problem–including a therapist. Is there anything wrong with doing that? No. In fact, it is commendable.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, roughly one out of every five adult Americans suffers from mental illness. That means that one-fifth of adults in the United States could benefit from seeing a mental health counselor. It is not as if mental health issues are strange, rare occurrences that make you some kind of outcast. They are serious and legitimate health concerns that can seriously impact your life. Therapy can also impact your life, in a very good way. Therefore, there is no reason to be embarrassed. No one with any compassion at all would see seeking mental health counseling as something to be mocked. It is something to be applauded.

It is hard to live a successful, happy life when you are mentally and emotionally unbalanced. A therapist can help you cope with that and bring balance to your life. There is never a time when bettering your life without detriment to others is shameful. Would you be embarrassed to go to the doctor if you had pneumonia? Probably not. The same principal applies. Something is wrong with your health and you are seeking to fix it.

Sadly, the stigma surrounding mental illness causes people to feel like they should hide it. Hiding mental health problems lessens your chances of getting help. It is very likely that you only get one life to live. You do not want to live it under the pressure of hiding a mental health problem. Furthermore, you do not want to allow your mental health issues to get worse by avoiding seeing a counselor out of embarrassment. Try to eschew shame in favor of empowerment and live a better life.

See the resources section of this blog for help finding a therapist in your area.

Stigmatizing Mental Health Language: Context Before Criticism

About a week ago, I was confronted by the idea that I can't use certain words used historically to disparage the mentally ill, which struck me as wrong. I prescribe to the idea that words are just words. Context is everything. I'm also of the belief that people who have weak positions often take words out of context in order to either improve their own perceived moral high ground or because they truly think that a word can actually cause harm. I'm here to refute that idea. Mind you, I am not here to say that everyone needs to feel the way I feel. I'm only here to state my opinion because not only did a social justice warrior type chastise me for something that was completely innocuous, but I also felt like someone should stop the insanity when it comes to what language adults can use in conversation. Yes, I said insanity.

I was discussing the use of psychiatric medication with a conspiracy theorist when I said, "Where do you wackos get these ideas?" or something along those lines. It wasn't long before social justice warrior popped in to inform me that "I am better than that," insinuating that I was stooping to an unspeakable level by using the term wacko. Firstly, I wasn't using the word to imply that the conspiracy theorist was mentally ill. I was using it to say she was being wacko. People use this term all the time to express that something is odd, unusual, extreme, etc. Moreover, I was speaking to a woman who was essentially telling me to become a vegetarian and that would cure my severe OCD. I think my language was mild, but that's not point. Why did this person think it was okay to police my language? Why did she feel it was a slight to the mental health community? It's something I will never understand and I'll explain why.

When you don't look at the context of a conversation, a ton of words can be misconstrued as being harmful to a certain group of people. For example, if I call a movie lame, I could be accused of being ableist. The problem with that is I certainly didn't mean that the movie was disabled. That would be absurd. I meant it was boring, tired or something along those lines. It's a little "wacky" to take offense to that. Using an example that is a littl closer to the point, what if I build a slip 'n slide in my house and slide around on it, inviting my sister to come over to play. When she comes over and laughingly says, "You're crazy," should I take offense? I've been in a mental hospital. I have a long-standing mental disorder. Should I be p*ssed at my sister? Of course not! She didn't mean to disparage the mentally ill or even me. She's using widely accepted vernacular.

The same principle of context can be applied to region. In some places, a pack of f*gs is a pack of cigarettes, a f*ggot a meal. Where I live and in my opinion, it's a horribly mean thing to say to a homosexual. However, if someone from the UK said they smoked or ate one of these things, I would certainly take context into consideration. This leads me to my next point.

There are certainly cases where it is not okay to say things that are okay in other contexts. For example, someone saying "I'm so OCD" because they have a neat car is annoying, but it's not hurting anyone directly and usually isn't meant to be hurtful. However, a boyfriend calling his girlfriend bi-polar in order to gaslight her into feeling like she's mentally ill is not harmless. That is not okay. Criticizing someone's ideas is okay, else we'd all have to politely deal with climate change, Holocaust and AIDS denialism. Telling a person who is hallucinating that they are crazy is not. Will I tell people not to say these things? Of course not. I'm not the word police. I will let them deal with the consequences of being a mean person themselves. I will lend comfort to people who have been hurt and need help. I will spread awareness of the issue. I will not tell people how to speak or think. That can't lead anywhere good.

Mental Illness and Social Stigma

Below you will find an article I wrote many years ago about stigma, probably soon after I realized I had to live with it. 

Depiction of the isolation and grief
associated with mental illness,
courtesy of Baker131313 

Unfortunately for those among us who suffer from a mental illness, there is a certain stigma that comes with any diagnosis. Because mental illnesses are not visible on x-rays and in blood tests, some people doubt the credibility of sufferers. Even though mental illnesses are diagnosed, treated and researched by professionals every day there are still those people who would view them as an excuse to be different or make fun of the people who suffer from them. There are even those who know they exist, but remain unsympathetic.

When someone who is suffering from a mental illness displays symptoms of it they will often hear remarks like "snap out of it" or "what's wrong with you?". People who witness someone having an anxiety attack or a mood swing often don't display the same sympathy they would for someone displaying symptoms of something less "emotional." This is even true of some healthcare professionals. Oftentimes this callous treatment and lack of sympathy make the sufferer feel even more isolated, depressed and anxious than they were to begin with. Fear of displaying these symptoms in public keeps many people with a mental illness from holding a job and leading a "normal" life.

Another aspect of the stigma attached to mental illness is the assumption that everyone who suffers from them is "crazy." Certainly there are mental illnesses that render the sufferer insane, but there are many victims of these illnesses that are far from being crazy. Mental illnesses are frequently misunderstood along with their victims. It is much easier to dismiss someone as insane than it is to attempt to understand these people and their diseases.

Of course there are some people who are afraid of people with mental illness. Some of these diseases and disorders are unpredictable and at times very frightening. It is natural to fear them. Unfortunately, this fear leaves the sufferer with fewer opportunities for friendships and other healthy relationships.

Victims of mental illness are often aware of the stigma that comes with being mentally ill. Unlike sufferers of most other disorders, people with mental illnesses have to deal with being judged as a consequence of being sick. Again, unlike other illnesses, fear of being judged or disliked can make many mental illnesses worse.

No matter how much proof of these diseases exists or how much evidence there is of the horror their victims suffer, some people continue to treat them as "fake" illnesses. Hopefully, in the future, people will treat sufferers of these illnesses with more sympathy and less denial.

Note: If you are a victim of mental health stigma, check out NAMI, an organization fighting to end the stigma associated with mental illness.