Let's Talk About Stigma

OCD is one of the Internet's favorite mental disorders. It's talked about a lot, whether by mental health professionals and sufferers or the rest of humanity. Like all mental disorders, there is a certain amount of stigma surrounding obsessive-compulsive disorder. You find it at home, in public and on the Internet. There's no escaping it, so I thought it prudent to chat about the types of stigma I seem to see and hear a lot in my life as it pertains to this disorder.

OCD Memes With Things Out of Order

You couldn't handle an OCD nightmare.

You've seen it–the tile slightly out of line with the surrounding tiles and some misinformed quote about it being your friend with OCD's worst nightmare. Guess what? It's not. Her worst nightmare is that someone she loves or a stranger is mangled or dies and it is somehow her fault (or one of other similar themes). She may or may not cope with that fear by keeping things tidy as a form of "magical thinking" that if she fixes the tile, her family is safe, but she doesn't give a shit about the tile. You see what I'm saying? The only thing that bothers us about those photos is that people might start thinking we'd be okay if only the tiles were in a straight line.

Self-Diagnosing

I connect with a lot of people who have OCD. It really makes me feel less isolated, and I hope my presence does the same for them.  A lot of my connections post about how annoying it is to see the "I am so OCD" posts from people who like things orderly or hate sticky stuff on their hands. OCD and other anxiety disorders are often thought of as abnormal reactions to normal situations. Washing your hands because they've got gross on 'em is a normal reaction to a normal situation. Washing your bleeding, raw and cracked hands because you haven't done it 150 times yet today is an abnormal reaction. When you compare your normal behavior to our abnormal behavior, you minimize the effect OCD has on us. People think of it as a first-world problem instead of a mental disorder.

Ignoring the Thought Part of the Disorder

Some of us who have OCD exhibit unusual behaviors like counting our steps, opening and closing doors a certain number of times, engaging in excessive grooming, etc. That is just a result of the main part of the disorder-disturbing thoughts. No matter what sub type of OCD a person has, he has intrusive thoughts that cause great distress. When people boil OCD down to just behaviors, they ignore that OCD has an even darker side, which lends to the stigma because people think we "just" do this or that.

To be fair, most of the folks who perpetuate the stigma do so without intention. They're just making a joke, and I'm the first to admit OCD can be hilarious. That said, you can joke about it while accurately portraying its challenges. You definitely don't have to claim you have OCD to talk about your quirks, either.

Hello Me, It's Nice Talking To Myself

Here, have a photo
of a cute piglet.

I've been feeling a lot better lately. I've been having fewer panic attacks, less negative internal dialogue and more productivity. Today, not so much on the first two. I've felt on the verge of a panic attack for a few hours, and my brain will not shut the fruck up. That's what I'm here to talk about today, since I need something to distract me from having a brain that talks a lot.

Sometimes, it feels like my mind gets caught in a negative feedback loop. I'm sure other people with OCD can understand. I have to argue with it all day about things like whether I'm going to spontaneously lose all my money, my husband's love or my health. I have to tell it that I'm just sweating from cleaning, not about to have another nervous breakdown. I have to say, "So what if you feel like you might cry or puke? What's the big deal?" I know these things pass, as do the thoughts. I just wish rational self talk had an impact on the flood of emotions that come when you have a panic disorder.

A funny little thing about negative self talk is that sometimes it hones in on stuff that is either way too far in the future to contemplate now or that you don't even really care about. For example, my anxiety thinks we care about what other people think of us. When I'm not anxious, I'm solidly healthy about that. When I am anxious, I get neurotic about how people feel about me. I don't like people talking about me when I'm not around. Sometimes, I don't even like people wanting me around. I'm all like, "What is your motivation for wanting to be around me, weirdo?"

When I'm stuck in that loop, there is really nothing for it but distraction. I know that distraction is not encouraged for people with OCD, but I also have panic disorder. I have full-blown panic attacks when I obsess. I can't always deal with that sh*t in the here and now. Writing a blog post, watching TV, reading a book, etc. can help pull me out of my thoughts and into a place where I am better equipped to take on therapy. Feel free to let me know your tricks for shutting up the imp of your mind in the comments section below.

*Title is a bastardization of lyrics from Megadeth's "Sweating Bullets."

Intrusive Thoughts: A New Website for People With OCD

As a metaphorically, not clinically, compulsive researcher, I find a lot of resources for various aspects of my life. One of things I need resources for the most is my OCD. Having them on hand helps me know where to look when I need reminding that it's just OCD and I can survive it. I imagine other people with these disorders feel the same way. It's nice to have good information available. Well, a new source launched the other day in the form of a website called Intrusive Thoughts. This simultaneously explains a bit of why I wasn't able to obtain this domain name as a .com or a .org and gives me a new place to turn when I need those aforementioned reminders.

First, I'm going to mention the design of the website, which is fun to use and intuitive. You'll notice it from the first page, where you are greeted with a statistic. Scroll down to read more about intrusive thoughts, clearly from the perspective of someone who also suffers from them. There is a bit of reassurance mixed in with some facts about intrusive thoughts, but these are things you should know, even if your OCD-mind won't believe them when you need to most. At the bottom of the page are some helpful links, a few of which you will also find at the top of each page. Everything is super easy-to-find and use.

Now, let's talk about content. If you click on symptoms, you'll get another page that is fun to interact with. It includes access to information about OCD themes, such as harm and scrupulosity. The information on these pages includes text and video, so you can hear from people who live through it. There's a good enough dose of information there. The resources page explores treatment options, professional opinions, personal stories and more. I would definitely point someone who was struggling with understanding intrusive thoughts and where to go to get help in the direction of this page. The treatment page has some of the same information, but organized in an easy-to-understand format that focuses on the big 3 steps of recovery.

Under the "Project" tab on Intrusive Thoughts, you will find what amounts to an "About Me" page. Here, you will learn about the man behind the project and what inspired him to put together this website. His name is Aaron Harvey, and he suffered with OCD for 20 years before he was diagnosed. There's a GoFundMe link on that page, but is unobtrusive.

All in all, I think the interactivity of the site, and it's interesting design, will help sufferers navigate their way through the important information there easily. I heartily recommend it to anyone struggling with OCD, be it their struggle or that of a loved one.

Balancing Real Life Problems and Problems OCD Made Up

I'm a few weeks into my exposure and response prevention treatment, and we're still working on things like writing scripts, nailing down my obsessions and figuring out what exactly my compulsions are. During this process, I've realized something–figuring out what is OCD and what is a valid concern is sometimes difficult. I've also realized, in terms of my anxiety and behavior, it may not matter.

Warning: Too much information ahead.

I'm going to use the example of a health problem I have been having to elucidate my point here. I have a chronic urinary problem that we haven't quite figured out yet. I get frequent infections and symptoms of infection even when one isn't present. I also get blood in my urine, so my doctors run regular tests to make sure something scary isn't cropping up. The chronic pain, which waxes and wanes, and the real concern that something is the matter are problems that are not just "in my head." My OCD hasn't made up a scenario for me to fret about. It's real, but what is really interesting is that the distinction doesn't matter. My mind behaves the same way for real threats as it does for obsessive and intrusive thoughts. So, what does this mean?

When I get sick or am in pain, I obsess. I worry I will have the problem forever, my doctors aren't treating it correctly, they'll never figure out what it is, the medical bills will crush me, or that I'll need some medical attention that my anxiety will stop me from getting. In short, whether my OCD started it or not, it's there, wreaking havoc on my thinking process. I think the healthy thing to do would be to treat the thoughts, rumination and fear that comes from these "exterior" (real life) scenarios in the same way that I treat those that come from purely "internal" scenarios (sh*t OCD makes up in my head). They both provoke anxiety. They both get treated with rumination, reassurance seeking and the like from me, so why treat them differently? Sure, I'm in physical pain, but the mental anguish can be dealt with.

I think the moral of the story for me is that when I am faced with real life problems, taking care of OCD's reaction to those problems will let me handle them in more realistic and productive ways. I don't have to think "well, this is actually happening, so of course I'm going to panic." OCD treatment is not just about conquering irrational fears and worries. It is about taking better control of the ones that are rational and recognizing the irrational thoughts that tend to sneak in the back door when we are in pain, sick or in danger.

If you have any thoughts on this topic, please share. I would love to hear how people manage their OCD symptoms when they are faced with challenges.

Common Types of Intrusive Thoughts

Hand washing can get out of control
because of contamination thoughts.
Photo by Serenity

Intrusive thoughts associated with OCD and other anxiety disorders tend to have one thing in common–they are distressing. They pop into your head and disgust, shame or scare you. People without a disorder can typically brush similar thoughts off as nothing and move on with their lives. People with OCD give these thoughts deeper meaning and are often tormented by them. Why are they so distressing? Well, they aren't exactly fluffy bunnies hopping across your consciousness. Here are some common types of intrusive thoughts associated with OCD.

Contamination

I'm going to kick things off with contamination because it's one of the more well known presentations of OCD. I don't suffer from it, thankfully, but many people do. Essentially, these people have thoughts that things they touch, people around them or they themselves are contaminated with germs. In response, they may avoid touching things and clean a lot.

Sexuality

It is generally thought that most people have passing thoughts that go against their sexuality. For example, a gay woman may think about sex with a man. In most cases, people can brush off thoughts that might otherwise make them question their sexuality, but some people with OCD cannot do that easily. They may "check" to see if they are really gay or straight or obsess over the idea that they are "wrong."

Harm/Violence

A very common theme in OCD is harm or violence. Some people may think they have to do things a certain way or it will cause someone harm. Other people will have images of hurting others or themselves pass through their minds. This can lead to behaviors like avoiding knives, driving, vulnerable people and social settings.

Inappropriate Sexual Thoughts

Without going into too much detail, let's just say that these thoughts are really distressing to OCD sufferers who have them. Anything taboo or morally wrong is potential intrusive thought fodder. Don't worry. Having these thoughts doesn't mean you're a sexual deviant. Sure, acting on them does, but chances are you wouldn't be freaking out about your thoughts if you found them appealing. (Don't take that as a cue to check and see if you think they are appealing. You wouldn't be here reading this if you did.)

Relationships

Some people with OCD are tormented by the idea that they are wrong about their relationships in some way. Do they love their spouse? Are they actually attracted to their spouse? Does their spouse love them? Does that fleeting thought about the cute guy at work mean you don't love your boyfriend? This is part and parcel of the feeling that things need to be "correct." I even have thoughts about whether my OCD is really OCD because it doesn't seem exactly right. My therapist once accused me of doubting because my OCD wasn't "perfect." People with relationship intrusive thoughts doubt because relationships are inherently imperfect. They need to learn to live with the gray areas.

There are many more forms that these thoughts can take, so don't be worried that you might not have perfect OCD because you didn't see your thoughts listed here. Talk to a professional. This is strictly for casual reading purposes only and to spread awareness of OCD and other anxiety disorders. If you want to talk about any other types of intrusive thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.