I'm an Anxious Yogi and You Can Be Too!

This pose is easier than it looks.

Yoga. You've probably heard a therapist mention it before. You've definitely heard of mindfulness, meditation and other elements of yoga in the mental health world if you've been part of it for more than a minute. It's one of the many tools you can keep in your toolbox for fighting OCD and mental illness in general. If you're not trying it or practicing it already, I urge you to try. I find it helps, and you might too.

You may already be thinking one of the following things:

• I'm not flexible enough for yoga.
• I'm not the right age for yoga.
• I'm not the right religion for yoga.

Everyone is flexible enough for yoga. Everyone. Yoga is not about achieving acrobatic feats of flexibility. Sitting in a cross-legged position is yoga. Hell, even lying on the floor on your back with your palms facing up is yoga. Which brings me to age. This is not a barrier for yoga. Elderly folks and toddlers do yoga. Finally, yoga can be completely secular. It's up to the yogi whether they want to do things like chant, seek spiritual guidance, etc. Me? I just hit the mat with my tight muscles. I'll leave the chanting and spiritual awakening to more enlightened folk.

So, we've established that most of the barriers people put up with yoga are bullshit. I should also add that you definitely have enough time to practice. There are no rules. You can do yoga for five minutes twice a week. No one cares. This is your practice.

I know you can. You know you can. Let's move on to why you should.

• Mindfulness
• Goals
• Self-satisfaction
• Pain relief
• Party tricks

The above are really just a few of the benefits I've reaped from practicing yoga. We learn mindfulness to keep us in every moment. As mentally ill folk, we need that. Yoga is all about being in the moment, in your body, in your mind, pushing yourself gently, and being forgiving of yourself. Setting goals helps us have something to work for, which leads to being satisfied when we achieve those goals. Stretching helps relieve tension. For me, it relieves pressure on my sciatic nerve. Finally, some yoga poses that are easy look really hard. You'll have some bragging rights when you nail them, but you'll also be fine if you don't.

I'm a very anxious person. There are days when I'm so wobbly I can't even do basic yoga poses. However, there are also days when I can hold up my body weight in balance poses I never would have dreamed possible. On those days, yoga focuses my mind and body. I'm anxious. I have OCD. I'm in my thirties. I have a hundred reasons not to do yoga, but I do it anyway. It's good for me. It can be good for you too.

Managing Anxiety is Different Everyday

A little time on the mat will often 
help me manage my symptoms.

I have anxiety of some level virtually every day of my life. It can be low-level anxiety, such as slight nervousness when I can't get out of the house immediately to get something I don't want to do over and done with. It can be severe anxiety that is hard to kick, such as panic attacks. I get anxiety on every part of the spectrum of severity. On days like today, it's moderate from the time I wake up, which leaves me with a few options for how to deal with it.

When I have low-level anxiety, I am always good without a fast acting anxiety medication. I take a deep breath, put on my big girl undies and get on with my life. When I have severe anxiety that threatens to make me puke or pass out, I go with medication that takes the edge off just enough that I can control the symptoms with mindfulness, positive thinking, distractions or whatever else is working that day. It's the days that I have middling anxiety that tend to be difficult. Sometimes, I can get through them without help and be as proud as a peacock and sometimes, I have to give in and resort to meds, which makes me feel like a failure. (You shouldn't feel that way if you resort to meds. I have clearly faulty thoughts and feelings.)

I woke up with moderate anxiety this morning and decided that getting up and kicking some ass around the house would be helpful. I cleaned our bedroom, took a shower and even ate breakfast, which is rough when I'm panicky. Once I had my chores squared away, I sat down with my husband while he played on the Xbox and I made a huge mistake. I thought this day of moderate anxiety would be a good time to look at the hospital bills from just one of my three most recent stays.

Even though we have a somewhat affordable deductible, are intelligent enough to negotiate prices and have a decent income, I panicked. While my husband calmly told me it's not even the step in the process where we start paying people, I was imagining us huddled together in a homeless shelter, as if we would both suddenly lose our ability to work. I imagined being hospitalized frequently and racking up insane bills, even though I know we have a maximum of out-of-pocket expenses per year. I was caught up in some seriously unrealistic and often vague thought processes. I'd given myself a panic attack. Crap.

I went upstairs and managed to keep the anxiety at bay for a little longer while I organized our home office and upstairs hallway. I tried to do a bit of yoga when I finally decided these methods weren't working for me today. I didn't want to rely on my medication, but it was going to be a no good, very bad day if I didn't. So, I took my medication (sadly, most days have been like this for the past month) and now, the lady who was going to be homeless, helpless and destitute a few hours ago is sitting on her couch working.

It sucks to have to rely on medication some days to feel well enough to eat and work. I know that feeling. I live that feeling, but if you are out there beating yourself up about it, I hope you stop. As people with anxiety, we are extremely hard on ourselves, not to mention the stigma that adds to that weight. We don't need to bully ourselves over using the help that is available to us when we need it. These are the things that help us lead fulfilling lives. Yes, use your relaxation techniques and whatever else helps you when it is effective, but know your limits and respect them.